Welp we did it, didn’t we? We met again like you said we would. How bizarre is that? When we met again, I didn’t know it was you, although your whole persona felt so familiar. But once you realized it, you let me know in ways that blew my mind even though we were both with other people. But with my memory loss, I wasn’t sure for so long. I refused with my mind to believe it was really true while all the time knowing deep in my heart it was true. You are the reason for my tattoo. Slowly but surely, the memory of that night we had together came back to me.
One of the things I remember is the way you said I made you feel back then… you said that whenever you got close to me you could feel something stirring in the air or something to that affect and you asked me if I felt it too. I was too young to understand that feeling then. But that was when we decided to hook up for the night. This was after you had already told me you didn’t think we were supposed to meet yet and that we would meet again someday when the time was right. We had a wonderful night together, one I will never forget again. I think I took you by surprise when I said I still wanted to put our initials on the tree. You asked if I still wanted to do that? I said yes, but I only meant I wanted to put our initials on the tree… our tree… not so that we would remember who each other was when we met again someday, but that is how you took it and that is the way it went. Unfortunately, we were never able to put our initials on the tree so that I could go back and look. Besides it was so long ago, I can’t even remember which tree we were at or if it is even still there.
When you took me home that night, we made a pact to meet again someday. I still don’t remember what we promised each other if it should ever happen and we were both with other people. I think you had said we would all be friends. I remember you telling me I had to leave him IF… not sure what the IF statement was though. I did leave him, not just because he wouldn’t allow us to be friends anymore… the reasons were much deeper than that… but I felt like I kept my promise, even though I don’t remember what I promised. Was I suppose to tell him what I knew? Maybe not, but I did… because of the guilt. Funny thing is… I felt/feel more guilty to HER, your girlfriend, than to him.
But the time wasn’t right when we met again, or was it? I know you have deep feelings for me, I can see it in your eyes. And I have deep feelings for you too and I know you can see it in my eyes. I wonder if you still feel what you said you felt back then when we are near each other. Because, unless it is my imagination, I feel it too, now. I felt it so strong that day you twirled the leaves on the tree… letting me know you felt it too. It keeps my hope alive and makes me think my dreams might come true and I can finally be with my soulmate. But you are with her and she has become my best friend…my soul sister. And I know the only way you and I could ever be together is if it was okay with her. So I keep dreaming about the day it is all revealed, and in my dream, she is the one that gets us together. But I know it will never happen regardless of our feelings for each other.
And the more I hope for it to happen, the more I hold onto the one I am seeing now… even though I know the situation is not good. I want so much to make my self available for you, for my dream to come true, but the heartache of it never happening keeps me holding on to what I do have.
If only I knew…