• The Ghost of You

    by  • June 26, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Lost Love • 0 Comments

    You left me without saying goodbye and without warning. You hurt me beyond words. The more I try to block you out of my head the more you just seem to wanna stick around. We were never supposed to be together in the first place so why does it hurt so bad now that you are not apart of my life? I remember vividly the first time we met. I walked into my grandparents house at 11 o clock. I had just come in from play practice and my grandmother insisted I meet her new foreign student. I walked into the room to see you sitting there on the bed in the computer room. You were just a skinny 18 year old boy on your laptop with the most ridiculous afro. I was just this tall 14 year old blonde girl that just happened to be there. You were shy so I walked over and gripped your hand in mine and when our eyes met something changed inside of me. I had to see you more. So after that I came every day to help you study. I stood outside with you and taught to the months of the year while you were waiting for your ride. I sat in the floor with you surrounded by papers helping you with your English and we would always end up laughing. I remember once I was laughing and you just looked at me like you had just discovered the solution to global warming. After that you came to see my play I was in and at the after party you stole my roses and made me chase you for them. Then when I realized you loved flowers I brought them to you everyday. I still have some of the dried petals you left in your dresser. I came in one day and you were feeling really shitty so I let you borrow my pillow and you slept on that thing every night until you left. I still sleep with it every night and it smells like you. We would call each other almost every night and laugh until the next morning sometimes. We couldn’t text because I couldn’t receive your text messages for some reason. One day I asked you to go swimming with me and you came and I sat in the front and you in the back. You watched me put on my lip gloss in the mirror and I winked at you. Then when we got to the swim center you freaked out because the water was so cold. We swam all the way to the deep end and you told me you liked the way my lips looked under water. I giggled and you asked me if I ever got any of the text messages you sent. I said no and you asked if I wanted to know what they said and I got really nervous. I turned around and pretended to be nonchalant about it. I said nooo its not a big deal unless you just want to tell me. So you leaned over and whispered …I want to kiss you. Then you took off swimming like a mad man to the other end of the pool and I sat there stunned and smiling. You had warned me before hand that if I didn’t want to kiss you I didn’t have to and you would understand. I was just worried about how bad it would hurt us both we you left though.I told you if you wanted to kiss me just don’t tell me before you did it. We held hands in the car all the way home and I kissed your cheek twice and you kissed mine. The next time I came I told you I wouldn’t be staying long because I was going to swim and you told me to sit down on your bed and I did…I was looking straight ahead and I heard you trying to sneak up behind me. But it was an epic fail because I turned around and you turned another shade of tan. Eventually we were kidding around like normal and then you stole my bathing suit and I grabbed it and you yanked me to you and brushed me hair behind my ear and kissed me. We did alot of kissing before you left. I would lay next to you and just take in your smell and I memorized the sound of your voice and the rhythm of your relaxed breathing. I treasured the way you wrapped your arms around me and pulled me to you. I relished in each of your laughs or sighs. I will never forget the taste of your warm mouth on mine or how soft your lips were. I had fallen completely in love with you. I knew I would never tell you though and you never told me that. But after one especially intimate night of kissing and talking I expected to hear from you. You disappeared after that night and did not call me at all. That was the last time I saw you. I am now visiting my grandparents and I am currently residing in your old room. She has cleaned it out but she neglected to erase the smell that has coated the walls and carpet. The dresser still smells like your candles and paper. I still have my pillow. She forgot to vacuum under the dresser where dried up flower petals hide…or clean out the tiny black waste basket that still holds your gum. She may get around to it but she can never clean and dust my memories. She can never magically stop my dreams..the ones that wake me up crying because they are so real. She can never take away your smell which is constantly there but your not or you laugh which I hear in my head all the time. She can never run your ghost off…..you still haunt me all the time.

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