• I Understand…Why Don’t You?

    by  • June 26, 2011 • Heartbreak • 0 Comments

    Nine months. We spent nine whole months dancing around this subject.

    I get that you two were together for a year and a half… And I KNOW that you had your heart broken. But does that give you the right to break mine?

    You always talked about her. And how glad you were to be friends with her. I was glad for you. But my heart broke a little every time you got that look in your eye. That heart broken look. That look of longing. That look that said, “I would have been happy if things had turned out differently.”

    But things didn’t turn out the way you wanted them to. And we were thrown together. Time seemed to slow down when I was with you. You always made me laugh. Everything seemed so perfect. But we both know nothing is perfect is it?

    We got closer… I really loved you. I know you know that. And you think you loved me. And now I realize couldn’t after everything you’d been through. But at the time, I really believed you. Really truly believed you.

    I gave you everything. Literally everything. Because I thought you cherished it. I thought you really cared about it for me and you. But you really only wanted it to feel good didn’t you?

    And then eight months in, you tell me, “I would be fine either way. We could break up and I would be fine.”

    How did you expect me to feel? I was IN LOVE with you. And you… You just disregarded me like my feelings meant nothing. You just shoved it in my face. You TOLD me you didn’t care about me as much as I cared about you.

    And then, to make it worse, you told me we should stay together. “Have fun while it lasted.” Have fun? You may have been having fun. Fuck buddies seemed to work well for you. You didn’t need to worry about the stress of caring.

    But me? My heart broke every day. Every time you looked at me and I could just tell… You didn’t love me the same way I loved you. And for a month and a half, my heart was shattered all over our pathetic attempt at a relationship.

    And then, I just couldn’t deal with it anymore. I don’t even remember why I was so angry. I don’t even remember what happened that night. I was sick and tired of the little things that you couldn’t seem to be bothered with. Why go through the motions of a relationship when we both knew it wasn’t real? All the little things added up. And for the first time in a month… I didn’t cry myself to sleep. I woke up the next morning and went over to your house.

    And just like that it was over. I suppose it was that much easier because I had a month to fall out of love with you.

    And now, you try to explain to me how she broke your heart and then shoved it back in your face. And YOU didn’t know how to cope. And YOU were the one who fucked up. And YOU were always the one who was heart broken.

    Did you ever consider how I felt? I convinced myself I was so in love with you. And I had to learn to cope while we were still together. And I was the one who was torn apart.

    But you know what I did realize? You WERE the one who fucked up. But I was the one who was fucked over. I understand that. Why can’t you?

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