• forget about you

    by  • June 26, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Confession • 0 Comments

    one day i hope you look back at what we had, and regret every single thing you did to let it end. You hurt me and the sad thing is i don’t think you even know it. You were the first person to ever really go after me. You constantly tried to get me to hang out with you, but i put up a wall and made up lame excuses so that nothing could ever happen. Until one day, I finally let my guard down and decided to give you a chance.

    I’m sorry for that day because i was a complete mess, and i’m suprised you didn’t completely hate me. But for some reason you actually wanted to be with me again, so i let you in. I let you into my life and into my heart. But did you just want to get into my pants?

    I asked you that on one of your last nights, and you were angry. I wish more than anything I could go back and erase that night. That’s when everything ended, that’s when i lost you. I thought you hated me. But maybe you thought i hated you.

    I should have apologized when I had the chance outside, it was the perfect moment. But then, that perfect moment disappeared into the cool breeze that caught my hair and blew it across my face.

    Sometimes our eyes say things that our lips don’t know how to. In that moment i could read your eyes, and i think you could read mine too. All was forgiven, but that didn’t mean our relationship was fxed. I feel like you forgot about me and moved on, but i didn’t forget about you.

    I remember when you picked me up from my friend’s house and swept me off my feet and kissed me. It was a beautiful, indescribable, and unexpected moment. You smelled so good that night, everything felt amazing that night.

    I think the reason i liked you so much is because i never thought someone like you would ever like someone like me. You seemed way too good for me, and i seemed hardly good enough for you. But that’s where i was mistaken. I should have been confident in myself and known that i was good enough for you, and i still am. I know now that nothing is more beautiful than a confident girl who is down to earth and lets no one define who she is. That’s what I strive to be. You wanted to be with me, but I missed my chance. Why did i say no? I think it was because i wasn’t ready to dive in head first, I wish i would have been. But you can’t expect to find the right person until you know who you are, what matters to you, and what makes your heart happy.

    I still don’t know who i am, but i think i know more about myself than i did then. What would my life have been like this year if i would have said yes? I think it would have been amazing. Lying with you, just being with you made me happy. You once said the same thing to me. What happened, what changed that made you stop wanting me?

    Was it because i never expressed my feelings completely? Was it because i never told you how much i actually liked you? You kept disappointing me, every time you said we would hang out we never did. It seemed like let down after let down. The last time i was with you, you promised we’d be together again, but i should have known that was a lie. But now you’re gone and i never see you.

    Sometimes we just have to expect that the people are going to stay in our hearts even if they don’t stay in our lives. Who knows maybe i’ll never see you again. In a way it’s easier without you around. I can slowly forget you.

    I want to remember the memories we had, but i want to forget the pain you caused me, that terrible pain that no one knows about. I want to thank you for making me stronger. I guess sometimes we have to be broken down to change into waht we’re meant to be. I have changed a lot his year, partly because of you. I have grown up more, and i know that i need to be independent and succeed on my own. I guess the biggest lesson i learned was to take the chances you get because they won’t always come around again.

    I miss your smell, I miss your smile, I miss your conversation. But most of all I miss you and I wish you missed me too. Maybe one day you’ll look back and think about me, and wish you hadn’t let me go. I guess fearless is having the courage to say good-bye even if it’s hard to let you go. So I’m saying goodbye, until the day when you remember I exist and come back to me. But I’ll promise you one thing, I won’t be waiting for you, I’ll have moved on, and you’ll be left alone with the same heart ache that i’ve felt. I will forget about you, but you better not forget about me.

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