• You Let Go, Not Me

    by  • June 25, 2011 • Letting Go • 3 Comments

    Terrance,
    I stuck around through it all.
    You begged me to never leave you.
    And I didn’t

    But you let me go.
    You left me,
    and you promised you wouldn’t

    You knew I couldn’t be abandoned
    I told you what it would do to me
    I told you how much it would kill me to lose another person I was so close to.

    But that didn’t stop you.
    You were selfish.
    And you let go of the cheery girl that you had drained of happiness
    Because you no longer could feed off of it.
    Or make yourself happy by stealing mine.

    You left me broken.

    After my dad died.

    Who does that to another person?

    I am 19.
    and
    You are a selfish ass,

    but I love you.

    And I hate that I do.
    I shouldn’t still care.

    Its taken every ounce of inner strength to get where I am. To move on this much,
    I’m still working on it.

    I thought you’d always love me.
    I thought you couldn’t ever ask for more, isn’t that what your dream was about?
    Maybe even our subconscious lies…

    Besties?
    ~Stephanie

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    3 Responses to You Let Go, Not Me

    1. Boy who crawls through windows
      September 5, 2011 at 12:33 pm

      Stephanie,
      It is the weakness that is man that ensures that he will lie, even to himself. I’ve been lying to myself for a long time. I lied, time and time again, out of fear. Fear. I was terrified that you’d realize what direction I was heading and run. So I ran. I ran before I could hurt and eat me up inside. So I ran so far and so fast to get away. I ran from what was real to live. Now I’m in that world. I built my ivory tower high in my world and now, when i’m at the top of it, I look back. I look back towards you. What’s the point of living in this tower if I’m still alone, even thought many people live here. I want to burn this tower to the ground. I want to destroy it, brick by brick.
      Then I want to build a new one. One with you.
      The dreams haven’t stopped. This summer I had dreams of you. Even when I was with her. I would wake up and you’d still be fresh in my mind and I lied to myself again, saying it was nothing. But it happened over and over. Swinging my feet out of bed and putting them on the floor, it never felt colder.
      I was selfish, I was an ass….i’m sure I still am. I want to spend the rest of my time trying to put the happiness back into you. I want to steal you the moon. I want to build this new tower so high and so strong that you can reach out and night and feel the moon’s face.
      Hindsight is 20/20, i’m seeing with my perfect vision now, albiet blurred with the tears of regret. I told you i’d start being honest with myself. Here’s the start of it.
      I love you.




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    2. Stephanie
      November 20, 2011 at 12:40 pm

      I’m so happy where we’re at. I love you too.
      And I’m learning to trust you. 8 months. we’ll see what happens.
      I can’t believe you found this. I can’t believe you looked. I can’t believe how far we’ve come.
      November 29th <3




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    3. T
      November 29, 2011 at 10:27 pm

      Nov 29th 🙂




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