I miss you…but I shouldn’t. I can’t.
I miss everything about you. The way you smile at me when I say something stupid. The way you look at me like no one is watching. I miss catching you staring at me. I miss the way you laugh when I laugh at the most ridiculous things in the world. I miss the way you used to say “I love you” when we hung up the phone. The way you kissed me when we were in the moment. I miss the way you held my hand and told me everything was going to work out, just because.
I miss how confident you were that things would work out. You were always telling me that it would be okay, things would work out because I deserved to be happy. College was going to be awesome. I was going to find that someone who I would spend the rest of my life with. I was going to get married, have children and be successful. You were so optimistic and I miss having that around.
I miss everything about you.
But the thing is, I can’t miss you. I can’t miss you because I said goodbye. I told you to move on, find something better. I told you to be happy with something/someone else. I felt that it would be best for you. You would be better off without me, even though I didn’t ever want to let you go. I made a mistake, and I am suffering for it.
You act like I don’t exist now and it’s like a stab through the heart. I hate seeing you and not being able to say hi, or hug you, or even have a conversation with you. The boy that I love with all my heart. The boy I spilled my guts to a month ago. The boy that I can see myself spending the rest of my life with. The boy who let me go too easily.
I still love you, that will never change. You gave me up and I had to recognize the fact that you were slipping out of my grasp. I am letting go of you. I am letting our love slip through the cracks because I know that if I hang on, I’ll never move on. You have already let go and moved on, at least that’s what you’re making it seem like.
Go be happy with someone who isn’t me. Go find a love that will last you a lifetime. I haven’t been what you need and I don’t know if I will ever be the person who can give you what you want out of life, no matter how much I love you.
I miss you, but I shouldn’t because you have let go and moved on without me.
I hope life gives you everything you’ve ever hoped and dreamed of. You deserve to be happy with someone who will be with you for the rest of your life. I love you, and I’ll love you always.