• Let’s compare scars

    by  • June 25, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Moving On • 0 Comments

    Evan,

    I don’t exactly know why but at some point in my life I thought you were perfect. I’m pretty sure it has to do with the fact that you’re the closest thing I’ve found to David since he left my life all those years ago.

    You can sing, you have brown hair and blue eyes, you love halo. I mean, you’re almost the same person as him. I mean, if you just knew how to commit three years ago, we could have been perfect.

    I remember the day I met you. I was in a relationship, but yet I didn’t care. I wasn’t hitting on you, but the guy next to me. He got up to go to the bathroom and you looked at me with those beautiful eyes and asked if I’d ever heard the song “Hero of War”. I asked who it was by, you said Rise Against. One of my favorite bands. You put your giant skullcandy headphones on my head and just looked at me smiling. Ever since that day, I can’t listen to that song without crying.

    There was also the time on the skytrain. We were with all our friends and we were standing in the middle of the train and you were blasting Hero of War over your headphones. We just stood there and sang together, no one noticed but for that moment in time it was just me and you. You were just too good to be true.

    After months of being together, not in a relationship however, I realized you weren’t going to commit. This was long after I broke up with my long-term boyfriend and the guy I met the day I met you who for some reason I dated when I should have dated you. There was someone else. It was a long-distance thing. We still hung out, but I thought you understood.

    Then, there was the day at the movies. I asked one of the other guys to come buy candy with me. You offered to take me instead since you were sitting beside me. I should have known what was about to happen. We got up, walked around the corner and you pushed me up against the wall and kissed me. I don’t regret that infact, I’m glad it happened. This led to something a bit more serious between the two of us. I wish I never did that to him and I wish I had the heart to tell him, but that month we spent together is something I can never take back.

    I broke up with him, and a few days later it was like I didn’t exist to you. It was like you only wanted me because I was off-bounds for the three months we had our thing. I kept coming back to you, I wanted to be with you and you completely shut me out. I’ve had my heart broken before, but never like this. I couldn’t breathe, my heart was beating so fast I thought it was going to explode.

    I tried to talk to you, you wouldn’t even look at me. You were just like David. You left without a real goodbye. And even though I still see you all the time, you act like nothing ever happened. You hug me in those big strong arms and you tell me you love me (like a friend of course) and you tell me how amazing I am. It’s like you don’t realize you’re killing me evertime you do it.

    I guess in a way I’m glad. I’m glad you’re still in my life because I’ve come to realize the impression you give of being the perfect guy is just pretend. I’m glad we’re still friends because you’re an amazing person, and I’m glad we had our time and it’s over now. I’ve come to realize, no matter how perfect, we aren’t meant to be more than friends. You deserve the best and I’m glad that we are both happy with other people.

    Thank you. Thank you for introducing me to him, thank you for helping me find who I am and thank you for still being a part of my life.

    Love always,
    Ashley

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