• forever & always

    by  • June 25, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Grief, Those Gone Before Us • 0 Comments

    Dear D,

    It’s been almost five years. It still feels like yesterday. My heart aches everynight i go to bed and see your picture next to my bed. Every morning i wake up and see your wallet. Every Sunday i see your family my heart breaks at the memories we were supposed to enjoy together.

    Why did you go? Why were you speeding? How could you leave me? We were going to be something special. You made me feel like i could do anything and you made me want to achieve my goals. You kept me on track, and now that you’re gone, I am in a whirlwind of disappointment. I went to college, but dropped out. I got my dream job, but got fired. I just can’t help but feel if you never left, i would have never been this way.

    I don’t blame you for my decisions, those are mine to make. I blame you for leaving me to make these decisions on my own. But do i blame you? Do i blame myself? I should have said yes, you would have been on your way to see me instead of on that dirt road. You could still be alive today. I do blame myself. As much as i know it wasn’t, i can’t help but feel it.

    People say “time heals all wounds” but i think that’s bullshit. My heart breaks just as much today that it did the day i fell to my knees after receiving the news. You were the most special person in the world to me and the worst part, you didn’t even know it. I didn’t tell you i loved you because i was scared. I didn’t say yes because i was scared. You were too good to be true. I wasn’t ready to let you in completely. Now, more than ever i regret that. I would give anything to tell you I love you. To let you know you were and still are the most important person to me. I know you loved me, i just hope you know i loved you even more.

    “Every day that passes is one day closer to seeing you again.” This saying is the one thing that keeps me going. Knowing fully that one day i will tell you i love you and always have. One day….

    Forever & Always,

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