• Fantasy Dream

    by  • June 25, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Confusion • 0 Comments

    To think you don’t even know that my dream since i was just a little girl was to marry a foreigner. I have always said i would marry someone from another country like a fairy tale. I meet you. A boy from Egypt. You’re sweet, you make me smile and I start to like you. We don’t talk till second semester Spring break. By then I had basically forgotten I liked you in the first place. Then once again you make me happy, forget about my worries and even feel safe. Safe from being judged and betrayed. What you soon came to learn was my grandmother was in hospice, given about 2 weeks to live. You were there for me, there for me even more than my best friend of 11 years ever was. Things go good, you come over to my house, you walk me to class and I learn a lot about you and you learn a lot about me.

    You said you liked someone but couldn’t ask her out. You went to prom with her and yet still couldn’t ask her out. I thought maybe it was because you actually felt something for me. Maybe like i was starting to care more and more about you and starting to maybe, just maybe even love you. Then another day you ask me who I like. I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t want you to not like me back. Then i just finally told you. Thinking that maybe this fantasy I have had my whole life about being in a relationship, an honest relationship with a foreigner will come true. I waited for you to just finally ask me out, you had been leading me on for the past 3 months. Then that never happens. You just say okay.

    Then school ends. You start to become more distant I build up anger towards you. A LOT of anger. for various reasons. For leading me on, for making me trust you, for all those times you made me feel stupid, for all those times you were just kind of an ass. I started looking at thinks different, like you were just a dick all those times i hung out with you. All those times you were so secretive when I told you everything.

    Now just this week you start texting me again, like nothing ever happened. We start having conversations about the things we used to. You tell me there was another girl you liked but she has a boyfriend. You say you just want a relationship to work. My emotions are all over the place now that you are texting me again. I wish you would make up your mind. Are we going to continue to be friends? Or no? Are you going to take a month off from talking to me again? I don’t need anymore unsteadiness in my life. I have enough of that since my grandmother passed away in april. So please, make up your mind and tell me. How much do you really want to be friends and continue to talk to me?

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