Everyday. I get up and look in the mirror at the disgusting truth.
an imprisonment of what i wish i never looked like.
and i zone out and go back to all the times i was called…
fat. gross. no one will ever love you looking like that.
etc. stinging words. etc
and no matter how hard i try to punch past those memories and hurtful words
i stay stuck
stuck in a cocoon of magazine pin ups of what i should look like.
how i should have my hair. body. breasts. legs. eyes.
an ugly cycle of repeat..
so i ask you this?
family, i was a fragile child, tho not showing it every single one of your comments stuck with me.
like unwanted leeches. sucking out every once of confidence i ever had.
one day i’ll break free from the cycle
because i do have someone who loves me and looks past all my imperfections
loves who i am not how small my waist is
but having him has given me hope
i’m still stuck
but one day
one FUCKING DAY
i will be able to wake up and go to that mirror and draw a heart around me in lipstick
and that will be the day i’ve laid this to rest
but i’m not strong enough for that….
not strong enough at all