• baby wants a better body

    by  • June 25, 2011 • Acceptance, Self-Esteem • 0 Comments

    Everyday. I get up and look in the mirror at the disgusting truth.

    my body.
    an imprisonment of what i wish i never looked like.

    and i zone out and go back to all the times i was called…
    fat. gross. no one will ever love you looking like that.
    etc. stinging words. etc

    and no matter how hard i try to punch past those memories and hurtful words

    i stay stuck
    stuck in a cocoon of magazine pin ups of what i should look like.
    how i should have my hair. body. breasts. legs. eyes.

    an ugly cycle of repeat..

    so i ask you this?

    family, i was a fragile child, tho not showing it every single one of your comments stuck with me.
    like unwanted leeches. sucking out every once of confidence i ever had.

    one day i’ll break free from the cycle
    because i do have someone who loves me and looks past all my imperfections
    loves who i am not how small my waist is

    but having him has given me hope
    i’m still stuck

    but one day
    one FUCKING DAY
    i will be able to wake up and go to that mirror and draw a heart around me in lipstick

    and that will be the day i’ve laid this to rest
    but i’m not strong enough for that….

    not strong enough at all

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