• baby wants a better body

    by  • June 25, 2011 • Acceptance, Self-Esteem • 0 Comments

    Everyday. I get up and look in the mirror at the disgusting truth.

    my body.
    an imprisonment of what i wish i never looked like.

    and i zone out and go back to all the times i was called…
    fat. gross. no one will ever love you looking like that.
    etc. stinging words. etc

    and no matter how hard i try to punch past those memories and hurtful words

    i stay stuck
    stuck in a cocoon of magazine pin ups of what i should look like.
    how i should have my hair. body. breasts. legs. eyes.

    an ugly cycle of repeat..

    so i ask you this?

    family, i was a fragile child, tho not showing it every single one of your comments stuck with me.
    like unwanted leeches. sucking out every once of confidence i ever had.

    one day i’ll break free from the cycle
    because i do have someone who loves me and looks past all my imperfections
    loves who i am not how small my waist is

    but having him has given me hope
    i’m still stuck

    but one day
    one FUCKING DAY
    i will be able to wake up and go to that mirror and draw a heart around me in lipstick

    and that will be the day i’ve laid this to rest
    but i’m not strong enough for that….

    not strong enough at all

    Related Post

    Leave a Reply