• Always 2nd.

    by  • June 25, 2011 • Heartbreak • 0 Comments

    Dear K.

    I have known you since I was 4. You were also 4, our mothers knew each other so naturally when we went to our drama competitions we were pushed together. We were both fiercely competitive, both had a fiery temper and both stubborn as hell, but that’s were our similarities stooped. You were tall, tanned, ash blonde hair, had sparkling blue eyes and even then had an air of coolness and confidence about you. I was small, pale, with strawberry blonde hair, had intense thoughtful green eyes and even then I had an air was awkwardness and un-smoothness about me.

    We grew up in these drama competitions. There’s no point in denying that we were always the best two. One of us going in 1st while the other came in 2nd. Whoever came in 2nd usually hit the other one and would refuse to speak to them until finally we were forced to. Years went by and suddenly we were both 13. And more different than ever. You had become popular due to the fact that you are an amazingly confident person, handsome as hell, amazing at sports, can sing and can play the guitar. I wasn’t unpopular but wasn’t popular, I did well in school and kept out of any trouble unless trouble came after me. You on the other hand would run head first into trouble. At 13 we both auditioned for the same musical, Oliver. We both got in and suddenly all my friends were throwing themselves at you saying you were, amazing, gorgeous, perfect. I was shocked to hear people seeing you like this…to me you were just K.

    As we grew older we grew more and more apart, our lives taking different roots. Sure we would still see each other at competitions but you never took much notice of me or I of you. We would always say Hi to each other and talk, when your mothers are friends you can’t help that. My friends were always jealous of this. Saying I was soooooo lucky that you knew my name.

    When I was 13 few days off my 14 birthday, My dad died. I remember you at the funeral. It was the day I started loving you. I saw you during it, you were crying. I sang at the funeral and after it you pulled me away from my friends, and said “your voice it’s amazing Amy, it’s so beautiful” and you hugged me. And….when you hugged me…something happened. I felt some weird electric charge run through my body and I never wanted to let you go, I melted into you. You let go of me, I said thanks for everything and we carried on like everything was the same.

    But it wasn’t, I suddenly started seeing you differently…yeah…you were actually really cute and…yeah you were really funny. And I realised… I was falling in love with you. Just like half the female population of our town…I was falling in love with you. Of-course you didn’t see me any differently and i didn’t act any differently around you. I was just…Amy.

    Now we will be spending the whole summer together doing a musical. We both got lead roles so we will be seeing alot of each other. One of my best friends also got a lead role and she is also in likes you. She told me and… I couldn’t tell her then I was in love with you…. I mean it’s so stupid really….I doubt you even like me. You will probably fall in love with her. She is beautiful, skinny, blonde, blue eyed and quite cool too. She is perfect for you. If you don’t fall in love with her, well there will be plenty other girls, really pretty ones too. Why would you ever even look at me?

    I know all this and yet….why can’t I stop loving you. I mean I don’t even have a chance. I never did. Right from the start, the silly green eyed, pale girl didn’t have a chance. You will never love me like I love you. So why am I writing this letter well maybe just maybe…..just maybe…..you do like me?

    And if you do K……you know i love you for who you are
    Not because you have a super famous godfather,
    Not because you are amazing at sports
    Not because you can sing and play the guitar
    And not because you are popluar
    I love you because you are sooo funny
    I love you because you are stubborn as hell
    I love you because you are always arguing with me and won’t let me have my way
    I love you because you are one of the kindest people I know
    And I love you because you are…..you

    I will always love you

    That green eyed, pale girl, who sometimes came 1st
    But will always come 2nd in your eyes

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