• Please don’t kill yourself

    by  • June 24, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Depression • 0 Comments

    To Anyone Considering Suicide,

    Sometimes, life really fucking sucks. It can seem meaningless, disgusting, and miserable. I know it. I’ve been there.

    I’m not here just to tell you to “cheer the fuck up” or anything like that. I’m not here just to tell you that smiling will make it all better. I’m not here to tell you to talk to your parents or your husband or even a therapist.

    I’m here to ask you to just keep in mind that life does get better. It will get better, I can promise you.

    Sometimes, shit keeps hitting the fan, over and over. You’re drowning in panic and unhappiness and there’s no life preserver in sight. The only way out, it seems, is ending it yourself.

    But, you know, I was in that position 2 months ago, and I had the pills in my hand, ready to swallow them all and end my short life. My eyes were constantly swollen from crying, my stomach was vociferous from my malnutrition, and my hipbones were sore from the self-inflicted wounds.

    For some reason, I didn’t do it. I don’t know why, really. Maybe because I knew that my dad, who had OD’d 3 years earlier, wouldn’t have wanted my star to burn out so quickly. Maybe it was because I couldn’t bear to put my mom through another tragic loss. Maybe it was because I had just finished my history homework and didn’t want it to go to waste.

    I’ll be honest, I was miserable as fuck for a while. But, I kept repeating to myself that “life will get better,” just to get me through every minute without breaking down.

    And, life did get better, eventually. It took a month or so, but it did. I’m not 100% of myself anymore, but there are moments, when I’m with my friends, and I can smile and laugh genuinely, and forget the pain that’s been residing in my chest for the past 3 years. I can be happy.

    Now, back to you:

    You are beautiful. You are a good person, albeit some mistakes. You are worth forgiveness. You deserve happiness. You deserve joy.

    And you WILL get everything that you deserve in life.

    You are not alone. I know you feel trapped in your displeasure and depression. I know you want someone to reach out and care, but you feel as if no one truly does.

    You’re wrong. I care. You ARE worth caring about. You WILL make it through this. You WILL be happy again.

    Just, please, keep that in mind before you make the biggest decision of your life. Please remember that life will get better. It will get tolerable and you won’t be miserable anymore. You will be happy again.

    Love,
    Me

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