• Impossible feelings

    by  • June 24, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Yearning for You • 0 Comments

    Hey Mister,

    I can’t even begin to type out all of my feelings here, it could take hours. These feelings inside my soul seem like they are irrational and stupid. I’ve always valued dating a man who is older and wiser, but I can’t get you out of my mind. That CD you made for me touched my soul. You said it came from the heart, but the thing that bothers me the most is that they are all love songs. Is that really how you feel? We spend most days together and things are wonderful. You are always searching for something to do, but I am happy just being. Being with you is an adventure even if it’s only a talk while we wonder around this small and dead town. You understand what my heart feels and what I mean when I talk about the hurt inside. It’s hard for me to believe that you are almost three years younger than me, but feel many of the same feelings. I can tell how you’ve been hurt in the past and that’s why you’re so careful, but I promise you that you can move on and grow from that.

    It feels wrong to care so deeply for someone who has become your best friend in the oddest of situations. What can I say, I’m a hopeless romantic. Because I know you’re been hurt by the last girl, I want to fix that, but I’m scared that I’m only going to hurt you as well. You are cautious, I understand that, but I’m dying here! I know I could just blurt out my feelings for you and hope they are yours too, but our friendship is more important. I’ve always wanted a best friend as my boyfriend (and hopefully spouse) some day. I don’t know if we’re meant to be together, but over everything, you understand me which breaks me down. It’s tough to be so sensitive because everything you do seems planned. That is probably just me clinging to the hope that you love me in the same fashion. I want to help you bandage the wounds that she inflicted. You have changed significantly since then and I know it’s permanent, but where did you go? You can’t even enjoy life because of your attitude. Look on the bright side, things could be worse.

    I can’t wait for you to come back from vacation. I’m kind of mad at myself for missing you so much when you’ve only been gone one week. One measly week and I feel this way? Imagine if I lost you forever. I’d be devastated. You already know that I have separation issues since my father died as a kid. I cling to the hope that you will realize I feel this way and deal with it. I can’t promise that I’m ready for a long commitment, but I can tell you that losing you is not an option. Don’t leave me. I long in my soul to be doted over and to feel like the sun shines out of my butt. Do you even know? I try and hide how I feel, but it’s never worked before. I’m tired of crying over milk I can’t have. I want to be wanted, by you. I want to be your priority, not just an option when other things don’t work out. I want to be with you when you’re with other people. Why do we only hang out alone? Why not with other friends? Is there something more to it, or am I making it seem that way?

    Sincerely,
    Someone who’s confused

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