• Dear mom

    by  • June 24, 2011 • Parents, Self-Esteem • 0 Comments

    I want to tell you I’m sorry. I’m sorry you chose to get pregnant and have a child you don’t want and who you hate. Yes I know you hate me I heard you loud and clear every time you shrieked that at me. I’m sorry you chose to keep me so that I could disappoint you with everything i do. I’m sorry that you tell me how you don’t want me or care for me in any way. I’m sorry that drove me to therapy where you screamed, “don’t you dare make your problems my fault because I’m your mother.” Just so you know I never once said you were to blame for the way I am. I’m a constant disappointment to you. I never do anything that pleases you. I’m not as great as Justin. I’m not as successful as justin. I’m not justin. I never told the therapist all the things you said to me. I never told her how i bust my ass trying to live up to your impossible expectations. I never told her how I crave to be accepted and to make you proud for once in my life. When things came up and started to lead that way, I made up some excuse. I stayed loyal. I didn’t ‘make my problems out to be your fault’ When i couldn’t come up with excuses for my problems any longer i quit going to the therapist. Though i know i need to go because i didn’t get the help since i lied for you. It’s time i admit things. You did this to me. I love you because you’re my mother… but as a person i dont like you at all. You’ve ruined me. I’m a hollow shell who can’t meet expectations and it’s spread to all parts of my life. I feel that i’m not good enough for my job my fiance my friends… i feel like i’m worthless and it’s all due to the things you told me all my life. I’m done hiding and lying to everyone so you can “look good” You’re not a good person. And finally… Since you hate me so much and you didn’t want me, Why did you get pregnant and choose to keep me? Why did you have to ruin my future and my life by treating me the way you did? Will i ever give you this letter, nope. Will you stumble across it one day online, doubtful. But if anything ever happens to me, some freak accident. You’ll find this and many letters like it in one of my journals. and those tears you will cry will be real. Unlike the fake ones you’d cry over the loss of me. After all remember you didn’t want me.

    -S

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