• You can’t make up your mind…

    by  • June 23, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Confusion • 0 Comments

    Make up your mind already. You are literally killing me! I can’t count how many times I’ve cried over you! What exactly makes me not good enough?! How can you not know after all this time if you want to date me or not? The way you would call me and text me and hang out with me made me think you liked me; you texted me every freakin’ day. You spent almost all of your free time with me. You sure as heck didn’t spend that much time with any other girl! We would watch movies alone together. You told me stuff that you don’t just tell a friend of the opposite sex you know. This friendship is a lot more intimate than a regular friendship! When I wasn’t at a party or in someone’s room, you would automatically ask where I was and then get bummed I wasn’t there. I know that for a fact. People told me. So how can you not know how you feel about me?! At the beginning of the school year I told myself “we will just see where this goes.” And I waited and I told myself you were just being nice. But then you would say things or do things that weren’t just being nice you know?! Forgive me if I thought you texting me constantly or you visiting my room or wanting to hang out with me was a feeling of more than friends. I guess I was just being crazy. People told me to give up on you, but I couldn’t and I still can’t. You are one of the sweetest, nicest, funniest, smartest, charismatic people I know. You make me smile all the time. You have an incredible faith and seeing God in you makes you more attractive to me. You’re just so wonderful it’s hard to let go. Also, I never got closure from that 4th of July. First you said yes, and then you said no because you wanted to work on our friendship and we’d see where it went. Well then we hardly talked and then you were dating her. What the crap?! And then you broke up right before graduation and then we started talking more and I was getting really excited for college and then I found out you liked someone else and I was confused as ever. Then that didn’t work out and I thought now I finally have my chance but guess what. Nothing has happened. You haven’t made a move. Even when you liked those girls it always felt like you wanted me to approve of them. You would talk them up by saying “she thinks you’re really awesome and she wants you to meet her sister!” or “she asked if you were gonna be here tonight and I told her yes and she said that was awesome!” Do you expect me to just give you a stamp of approval? I think you know you messed up. M, I really liked you. I still really like you. I really thought you liked me too. People asked if we were dating and I said no. Even other people saw it. Ugh…I’m not here to yell at you. I’m just here to figure this thing out. If you figure out you like me, please tell me. If you decide you don’t, then maybe you shouldn’t try to make our friendship like a relationship. I don’t know if it just felt nice to have me around like a girlfriend except you didn’t have to commit. I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m not pretty enough or if I’m not skinny enough or nice enough or funny enough. I just don’t know. I DO know that you should NEVER do this to another girl again. Seriously. This is the worst pain you could ever bring to a girl. Never ever do it again. If you like a girl, tell her and if you just want to be her friend and nothing else, then by God tell her that! I’ve tried to let go, but you won’t let me. You keep popping up. I think the Wreckers said it best when they sang, “you’re not sure that you love me, but you’re not sure enough to let me go, baby it ain’t fair you know to just keep me hangin’ round.” Please figure out what you want and then please have the decency to tell me. I don’t care if it hurts my feelings. I’d rather have a brutal truth than a sugar-coated lie.

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