Where do I start,
Let’s try from the beginning.
You acted the same towards everyone. No one could break you down. You were everyone’s prince who eventually turned into the villainous creature that no one knew you could be. You lied and deceived each and everyone one of them.
Next, came the encounter between you and I. You were the charming flirty boy that everyone said you were. I knew what was coming, and I continued to talk to you anyways. Maybe, it would be different. A harmless relationship came afterwards. Nothing too serious or exclusive. You were kind, a little pushy, but everything i needed then. I let things drift and then I ended it. You ignored me from then on. It didn’t hurt that much. You weren’t that important to me in the beginning.
The following year I saw you. I pulled you in. We talked more and more. That year we had a small thing for the beginning of the year. Afterwards we became best friends. I developed trust in you and our other best friend, “her” . We did everything together. We all talked every night. Vented to each other about the others. No one else mattered to us. We were the only 3 people that mattered in each others lives. You developed a secret crush for me. I had no idea. You told “her” everything you felt towards me. “She” eventually told me everything the following year. “She” encouraged me to give you a try Eventually I did. You loved me. I knew that. I took advantage of it. I enjoyed having you on a string pulling you in and pushing you out. You would never leave and I knew that. I started to fall for you but I didn’t want you to know. I told “her” more and more about you. She told you. We secretly knew everything. The year ended and we were happier then ever.
The following year wasn’t as good. When “she” told me that you guys kissed I was furious. You didn’t tell me. I felt betrayed. I felt stupid. I cried, and cried and cried. No one knew that i was extremely bothered by it. After i “got over it” I finally brought you back in. You made me feel special. We kissed, and i loved it. The day before valentines day i ended things. Your birthday week.. I couldn’t take the pressure of a relationship. I didn’t want to completely let you in. After that we stopped talking for two weeks. I couldn’t take it. After that we talked on and off and fought.. I hated every second of it. When things finally sorted out we became friends again. Then your best friend told me you had cheated on me. Not once, or twice.. but six times, and maybe more. That’s when it hit me. I wasn’t any different from those people. I’ve always had trust issues and for some reason i thought i could trust you. But it wasn’t any different. You don’t know that I know you cheated. You don’t know how much you hurt me. You don’t know that i still think about it every night and wonder how i could be so naive. Now we’re friends again and I like you even more than i did before. And it kills me every time i think about you. You don’t know that i still think of you and “her” kissing, all of the time. And how much i hate myself for falling for you shitty act. I can’t trust you.
Today i didn’t see you at all and i couldn’t stop thinking about you. I wanted to see your face and hear your voice. And you have no idea. I dont know what to do anymore. I get jealous when you talk to other people but you dont know. We’re not together, but I wish we were.. I love you but i can’t get over the past, and i dont think i ever will. It eats me up inside like a monster. It never goes away. I love you, and always will and i just wanted to let you know. You’re my best friend and I love you. I can’t say it enough.
I will never have the courage to tell you this.. and it kills me because i know that you won’t judge me. I know that you’ve never had a relationship like this before. I know you love me.
So this is my letter to you. This is our history. I’ve summed it all up, which i never thought i could do. and after everything that has happened all i can say it that I love you.