you make the whole room come alive whenever you are around…you bring me to life when you’re there. no one understands why i would torture myself by keeping you around and i tell them it’s because i’m over it and we can be ‘just friends’… but it’s really because i can’t let you go. not completely.
but you married her… you looked into my eyes and told me you loved me, you were crazy, head over heels in love.. and then two weeks later you watched her walk down the aisle to you and you didn’t tell her the truth. and you looked so goddamn happy on all those photos that it broke my heart. and i’ve become that girl that i hate…the one who would ditch all her plans at the chance of seeing a guy she’s never going to have. you’re the highlight of my week…it’s pathetic but true. and i can’t help fall back into our old ways when we’re together…and i know you cant help it too. but you can’t decide to tell me that nothing has changed and that you can’t bear to see me with another guy… and expect that to be okay. you can’t have your wife and your little family life… and have me on the sidelines waiting in case you decide to have the balls to admit you chose the wrong person. you always told me that you met me too late.. if you’d met me before her then it would all have turned out differently. but i can’t change how and when we met… and i can’t change the fact you still chose to marry her… even after everything you said and everything that happened. but i can change the way we are.
i was naive and stupid and you took advantage. you use the fact you know i love you to keep me around. you seem to take pleasure in watching any possible new relationships fall apart and you love that i always come back to you. but i am not the other woman. i refuse to let myself be your second best…cos no matter that you say, that’s what i am. it is her that you go home to every night, it’s her you chose. and you did have a choice. and so now i’m choosing to walk away. to have respect for myself that i can move on and get over you. so please don’t call me, don’t tell me you love me, don’t kiss me… don’t keep breaking my heart. you won’t leave her.. and i won’t wait anymore. if she only knew what she married… me and her, we both deserve better. i’m only just beginning to realise you don’t define me…this secret we’ve kept can’t consume me anymore. i made a mistake, i did a terrible thing…i fell for someone when falling wasn’t an option. and it’s time to fix those mistakes. and that starts by stopping myself falling for your lies. you don’t love me. you wouldn’t hurt me like you do, if you did.
so this is it. and i can’t tell you because i can’t hear your excuses and the way you always twist everything around so i end up smiling and forgetting you hurt me. i’m going to disappear out of your life and start to put myself back together. and i will do it. one day you’ll realise that you lost a diamond whilst you were too busy collecting stones.