To my “almost” lover,
It’s been over a year and a half now since we’ve been doing this. “This” meaning running around in circles or a relationship but you can’t seem to commit or make a choice. You keep me at arms length away; close enough to touch but not close enough to feel you. Every time you feel me walking away you know all the right things to do and to say to keep me there for a moment longer. That’s over now.
I fell hard for you. I fell hard and fast and I finally have admitted to myself that I am completely and totally in love with you. Not the kind of infatuation love where you can’t spend a moment apart but the kind of love that is permanent and passionate.
I love everything about you. I love your ridiculous laugh, your hair, the curves of your defined muscles. I love the scar under your eye, they way you talk about your mother. I love your belly button and your nose, even your feet. I love the way you say my name and whisper for me to come closer. I love how you hold me and that you know I don’t want you to let go. I love your annoying snoring that keeps me up at night. I love your hands. I love laughing with you, mostly when we are laughing at me. I love your passion for your dreams. I even love your confidence. I love how you never let me have the last word. I love when you call me princess. Most of all I love us, I just don’t think you see it.
What we could be will never be. You are too focused on yourself. Not to mention the other girl that constantly hangs around. I’m tired of it. Make a choice. Actually I’m making the choice for you. I’m out. I’m so out of this it’s not funny. I can’t stand the feeling I get when I find out that you were with her. I feel sick. I physically get ill. Why? I gave you everything. I have devoted the last year and a half to YOU. Letting YOU run the show. Allowing YOU to be the center of attention. Were my goals and dreams important? No. Because we were trying to get you to where YOU wanted to be. Selfish. You are so selfish and you don’t even see it. Out of the limelight you are a wonderful, beautiful, great person, but in it…you suck. You are totally different. Someone I don’t know and that I don’t love. And that isn’t stopping anytime soon.
I would say to let me know when you are ready for me and emotionally available to me, but by then I’ll be happy and taken. Pretty girls like me don’t stay lonely for long.
See you on the other side.