• ms

    by  • June 23, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Lost Love • 1 Comment

    Dear Conor,

    I have always wanted to write you a letter but never had the courage to do it because I am scared you won’t feel the same way, maybe your feelings have changed.

    Conor the last thing i ever said to you was ” i don’t care :L” you asked me if I wanted to play truth or dare. But here’s the truth Conor, I do care, I have always cared and I will always care. I didn’t want to play it because I was scared you would find about the truth about me. You have that annoying ability that I feel completely at ease with you , so I open up and therefore become vulnerable. I have been hurt way too much so I am scared to let myself become vulnerable. I am scared if I tell you all about my Dad’s death, about my sickness as a child,about how this illness nearly left me dead and paralysed, about how I amnt able do to lot of thing because my immune system can’t take it, about how my mother completely broke down after my Dad died, about how my family are in so much debt that I doubt I will be able to go to college, about how my sister has been beating up my mother, grandmother and little brothers for years and since Dad died I have taken over as protor, the rock, the strong one and how I am hopelessly dyslexic( i got spell check to help me write things) and how i cry myself to sleep every night.

    I am scared that if I tell you all this you might find away too hurt me and I just can’t be hurt anymore. I know you would never hurt me, but I still can’t take that chance.

    But also I don’t want to make your life any worse than it is. You have had a hard life Conor with all your family problems and your Dad and you don’t need me to mess it up even more. You deserve better than me Conor and I hope you will get it. Karen seems like a lovely girl and I hope she makes you very happy. You deserve it.

    I just want you to be happy Conor. I will always regret losing you, I know you loved me and I love you too, more than you will ever know. But I couldn’t let you love me you deserve better, I had to push you away.

    So the point behide this letter is. I care Conor. I love you. I hope you will be happy, I gave up my happiness so you can be happy. As much as I regret losing you I will never regret doing that.

    Thank you Conor, for showing me what love is, for allowing me too really see that true love is when you put somebody elses happiness before your-own.

    Dont forget me Conor,
    I wont forget you,
    I love you,
    and forever

    Amy xxxx

    One Response to ms

    1. Sarah
      June 23, 2011 at 9:25 am

      Amy, you are beautiful. Don’t ever say you aren’t good enough, because you are. I am sure Conor cares for you just as much as you do him, but you must let him know. You both could have an ahhhmazing relationship, and frankly, you and I both know you’re missing out. He cares for you, when you tell him about your past and present he will be there to comfort you. I too have an awful genetic disease, but you are strong. You will pull through everything you’re experiencing now. I know all this pain is unbearable at times, but there is hope. I don’t know your religion or your views, but You Never Let Go by Matt Redman really helped me through my struggles. Jeremiah 29:11 says “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'” Just know that you are loved and things will get better. (:

    Leave a Reply