• If You Only Knew

    by  • June 23, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Confession • 0 Comments

    If you only knew how much I love you. Yes I’ll say it carelessly to you when we joke around, but what you don’t know is how amazingly true that statement is. I’ve never felt this strongly about anything before which is how I know it’s real. Us, together. It just sounds so good to me! Me and you, you and me- I think we would be perfectly happy together. My friends all tell me that we would be the cutest couple ever; they say that you’re as much in love with me as I am with you. People say you act different around me than with others. What does it mean? Was there a time when you liked me and we just have terrible timing? I like to think that’s what it is, and that one day you’ll realize that we can work together. Unfortunately another obstacle in our way would be my family. You know what I mean. With them being extremely conservative, the thought of a lesbian couple would be blasphemous. Sometimes I wonder if we would be able to overcome that- I think we could, but then again I think a lot of things. It’s like we’re so close, but at the same time so far away. I wish we could just say how we really feel. I wish I could just see into your mind. But I’m afraid I would see that your feelings for me are nothing more than for a best friend. Because she is in your life and has been for a while now. I honestly don’t understand why, is she really the one for you? You complain to me of your constant fighting. You hang out with me to get away from her. But hey, as long as you’re happy, then I am happy for you. I just wish you would stop making me fall in love with you over and over again. Every time I am close to getting over you, you do something to make me melt all over again. Whether it’s you just giving me one of your wonderful drawings or you looking at me with those damn eyes of yours that seem to burn into my soul- a couple times I’ve almost said all of this to you when you give me one of those looks, they kill me. But in the end I guess no matter what happens this summer or later on in life, I should thank you. Thank you for helping me realize that part of myself I never wanted to face before. Thank you for giving me the courage to have pride in who I am no matter what anyone else, including my family thinks. Thank you for being my friend when I felt like I had none. Thank you for your dry humor that kept me going when things got rough. This year has been the hardest for me, and I never would have made it with you. I know that you will probably never fall for me the way that I have fallen for you, but even still I want you to know, that you are the most beautiful, intelligent, caring, and incredible person I have ever met and I will carry a special place for you in my heart always and forever.

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