You were told I liked you from the beginning. You KNEW. Then one day after i stopped caring we started talking. It was Spring Break. Then we go back to school We are walking to my 6th hour together (which you walked me to everyday) and you ask “Would you like to go out with me?” I had someone else talking to me and i didn’t understand what you had said. Truth is i wanted to say yes so bad. I loved you, or so I thought. That day in my 6th hour i was the happiest the I had been in a long time. My grandmother was dying and I had to be at her house to take care of her every night and every weekend. I thought I had finally found someone to stick through it with me, someone to truly rely on. I was wrong. WAY wrong. You told me that night on my way to the hospice house to see my dying grandmother (which you knew about) that you were “joking” when you asked me out. My heart was torn once again. I dreaded having to see you again in spanish class the next day, walking to my 3rd hour and waking to my 6th hour together. I didn’t want to see you. I couldn’t be down though, not even for a second. I had to be strong. My family was hurting about to break, we were all stressed, tired, and hurting emotionally and physically from the last 7 months of taking care of and watching my grandmother die of cancer knowing there was nothing we could do. I had to be the one who was strong, I couldn’t let you get to me. After that we called each other “best friends” you told me you never lie. You still continue to tell me that. I’m not so sure I can believe you though. Which you say “hurts you” when someone tells you they don’t believe you. Let me tell you this, you don’t know what “hurting” is. Hurting is having the grandmother you have been close to your whole life die in front of your eyes, hurting is watching your family fall apart because of the stress of everything, hurting is being told the one you have tried to make yourself not like “ask you out” then say “OMG I WAS KIDDING!” that very same day. Yeah thats right I love you. Still after everything i care about you. After you always making me feel like shit and you telling me how bad of a person i am i care. You guilt me into things A LOT. You make me not want to be like your old best friend who just stopped talking to you for no reason because I saw what it did to you. I don’t want you to hurt like I have. No one deserves that. Not having my family talk to each other because money of my grandmothers is the main concern and you got her house because she left it to your family not theirs when they didn’t want, when really its when we should pull together most…hurts. N
Now you text me once every few days. After telling me you would always be there. I don’t know if its the “senior” attitude or what but now i just need to know if you want to be “freinds” or not.
I don’t regret anything. You made me stronger. You made me realize it’s good im not your girlfriend. You didn’t truly love me and i later found out there was another girl you really liked but you thought she had a boyfriend so maybe i was just the “back up plan” I don’t want that. I want to be the first choice. I deserve to be the first choice. So thankyou for the last good couple months of my freshman year where you actually did think you were my best friend. You always made me smile and gave me something to look forward to during the day. So thankyou. Now i just need the truth though, are we still friends or what do you REALLY want? is the truth too much to ask?
You know who this is.