• Autumn leaves.

    by  • June 23, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Heartbreak • 0 Comments

    Dear Beibh, Niamhus, Aido.

    See that there, nicknames, terms of affection. I thought we were close, Aido I have known you since I was 4. Beibh I have known you since I was 12 and Niamhus I have known you since I was 7. Ye always go on about how tight we are, friends forever. Yet when I decided not to go out to a disco suddenly I was this awful person who was been completey selfish for not going to one stupid disco. Ye stopped talking to me.

    Ok. Do really want to know why I didnt want to go? It’s because just for once I wanted to have a nice night in. My mum, grandmother and sister would be away. So that means no sister to beat up all the family, to terrorise us and to make me fell like a plie of shit.

    No grandmother to tell me just how lazy I am and how I am an awful person that I don’t do everything in the house, granny please remember I am 15, I protect the whole family from my sister constantly and I am the one who does most of the cleanly in the house, I taught my little brother to swin, ride a bike. I didn’t ask for this adult pressure to be put on me.
    No mum to cry about how my dad is dead and how we have no money and how none of us will ever be able to go to college and how our house will soon get repossessed.

    I just wanted to be able to sit on the sofa, chill watch a little tv, dance around the place like a total fool and sing at the top of my voice and for once forget about all these stupid promblems I have in my life.

    And ye might want to know why I didn’t tell ye any of this? Well ye all know about my Dad’s death. But even still where ever I try and open up about how I feel about my Dad ye rush and change the subject. Like ye are ashamed to know someone like me who doesn’t have the perfect life like all of ye. How can i expect to open up to you about my deepest darkest secrets when ye are ashamed of the one ye already know??

    So i guess that leaves me here, alone. You know I really thought our friendship meant more than some stupid disco. I guess I was wrong. I suppose it’s a bit like autumn leaves, it withered when it got too hard to handle.

    It was nice knowing ye guys
    All the best
    Amyxxx

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