• 9 months

    by  • June 23, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Miss You • 0 Comments

    You were my best friend and i fell for you, harder than i ever fell before in my life. at first i was scared shitless but i soon realized you were worth ruining our whole friendship. you were amazing, you still are to me. when i realized i liked you, i forced up the courage to tell you because you always told me whoever i liked was such a lucky guy. evetually i told you but i was a week late. you already had a new girlfriend but i thought i could change your mind. i tried for 9 whole months to be in your life. i wanted you to look at me the way i looked at you and for a long time i thought you did. we talked so much, everyday, somedays all day. you always texted me first, sent me good morning texts, and texted me into the early morning. you told me how amazing i was, how beautiful you thought i was, and that i would be your next girlfriend. i think back to that wishing now that you never said that because you never kept your promises. you lead me on for 9 months. towards he end i knew i didn’t have a chance but i kept going because you kept me in your life somehow, always bringing me back in. somedays it was a sweet text, other days it was because we finally kissed each other. you were my very first kiss and i was yours, it all felt so perfect. i spent my entire summer wishing you would break up with her and pick me, eventually you guys broke up but you still didn’t pick me. one thing you did do was continue to act like i actually meant something to you. the one day i realized i didn’t have a chance anymore was the saddest day of my life. i told myself i had to stop and i did. i didn’t text you, i didn’t facebook you, and we didn’t talk at all. you broke my heart. you tore me up inside. you ruined my sophomore year. i cried everyday for months because you hurt me so bad. not only did i lose the guy i fell “in love” with but i lost my best friend. because of you i hate myself. you ruined the person i was and i’ll never be he same. how could you do this to me? you played me, you used me, you ruined my life. 9 months later i’m still broken, still missing you, still regretting everything i did with you. you hated me, made fun of me, and continued to have some magical effect on me all at the same time. why do i miss you? why do i want you in my life? why do i still think of you? i don’t understand because i found someone else. someone who treats me better than you ever did. he is amazing but i somehow think back to you and wish it was you. i was so attracted to you, i loved being around you, and you made me the happiest i’ve ever been. i wish i didn’t know you, i wish i never liked you, and i wish you wouldn’t have torn my heart out from my chest. you ruined my life. YOU DID IT. what gives you the right to do that? i hate you. i hate what you did to me. i hate that now you want to be my friend again right when i’m starting to feel strong. i’ll slip back to you, i know i will. this isn’t fair. it’s like you don’t want me to be happy, i don’t understand. why me? why do you have to torture me? i don’t understand. what happened to you? what happened to us? i miss you, please come back.

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