Four years we were together. It would’ve been much longer if I hadn’t gotten so trashed one night that some guy decided to take advantage of me. I know I did wrong and broke your heart. But in the end I think things turned out for the best. It’s better this than staying together forever with me not truly happy with my life. But I did seriously care about you and I was completely in love with you. That wasn’t enough to make us right for each other though. And it took us breaking up to realize how much more I wanted from life that I just wasn’t getting in our life together. So thank you for breaking up with me. I know that when you did I begged you to change your mind but I’m really glad you didn’t. This is what I needed.
There were obvious signs that I wasn’t as devoted to our relationship as I needed to be. I mean I was ready to leave to move to California at one point with no thought at all to what would happen to our relationship. You should have let me go then. I couldn’t leave though because I did love you and I didn’t want to hurt you. I always put so much fucking effort into making sure I was keeping you happy and satisfied. But the thing is I stopped trying to make sure that I was happy.
I wish you would let me go. I wish I would let you go completely. It hasn’t happened yet but it is slowly happening. You were my first love so you will always have a place in my heart but it’ll be different. I’m thinking that you’re having trouble letting go of me though. You tried to make things better for yourself by immediately replacing me but I really think that isn’t the best decision. It’s like you need someone there to fill this hole in yourself. I wish you could feel complete being on your own. And it’s not just jealousy making me say that. You say that you’re not dating her and that you won’t be in a relationship for a while but the fact is that you’re not just friends with her and you’re using her as a tool to make yourself feel better. It’s not a good way to deal with things and having all this shit in the beginning and still being in love with someone else is not a good start to a relationship.
I wish you would stop trying to be my friend. It’s not good for us. And I have trouble saying no to you. I always have.
I know you said you’ll never be with me again. But I also know that you’re having conflicting feelings. I want to tell you that there truly is no way for us to be in a relationship again. I think that you will change your mind one day and want me back. Not long ago I hoped that you would. But I’m done with that. I’ve realized how much happier I could be.
And I’ll never forgive the fact that you chose revenge over trying to make things work. Because I was so devoted to you.
But I’m done and I’m letting go and it feels fucking good.