• My light with the name of hope

    by  • June 22, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Closure, Those Gone Before Us • 0 Comments

    Aylah – you made me a better person and if it wasn’t for you, I would never have become a caring person to begin with.

    It has been nearly ten years since you and I first met. Sometimes I think it’s been a lifetime since then and many things have transpired. I’m now becoming my own man, becoming a better nurse caring for my patients and working alongside others in the healthcare profession. It was all in part to what you did, your words of encouragement in pursuing to become a better man and seeing something others did not see in me. You loved me like no other woman ever has and even though our time together was short-lived, the lessons you taught me I still practice to this day.

    The day you were taken from me from an unwarranted drunk driver was the day my humanity was shattered. I became a broken man because of the loss and I kept my pain a secret for many years as I didn’t want anyone knowing. When I found something to remember you by with a necklace, I had it forged with your name to keep with me at all times. However recently when I had put it on, it fell apart, your name still there but now I could not wear it. It became clear that by carrying you like this in my mind and my hurt – I had cursed myself to becoming alone in the process.

    This realization forced me to reevaluate myself, looking at my shortcomings and to break down some barriers in order to work through the pain. In the profession I am in, I cannot be cold and distant as I once was. You taught me that empathy is the best thing I can do to show the world good people still exist and that modern heroes are every where and I was always meant to be one. Cynicism had become my close friend since you passed away and now that I am becoming comfortable in my own skin, I can remove the shackles he has put me on.

    Even now I still struggle to fight these demons I have created to keep me company but I know this fight will be long and hard fought but I have places like LINS to help me cope with the days ahead and I have my profession to keep my interests of never letting go of being empathetic.

    Yours always, the guy who was an idiot savant minus the savant part until you gave him the time of day ~ Jed (Uncool)

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