I want to talk to you about something, and what I want to talk to you about there is just no way I could have ever expressed what I want to say in words, as good as I can in writing. What I want to talk to you about is fear…I think I scare you…and I don’t think I scare you because I’m a student, or even that I am a girl…I think I scare you because you know that this is real, you know that my feelings are real, and that the connection we have is real. I can only speak for myself in this situation, but some famous dead guy once said,
“Keep your fears to yourself but share your courage with others. ~Robert Louis Stevenson”
Don’t think for a second that that doesn’t scare me so much more than it could ever scare you. I don’t take risks with my emotions, and I don’t take risks with people because I simply can’t handle the outcome. But not only my courage but my faith is so much stronger than that fear could ever be. So no matter how scared I am or how much of myself I relentlessly put on the line I know that deep down the fear is worth it.
I think that I came on too strong, and that scared you, or that when I did nice things for you that scared you, knowing I’m not going anywhere might scare you. Giving this a chance is scary but above all…knowing this is real is what is completely frightening. I went sky diving once, and the ugly suit and helmet I had to wear wasn’t scary, and the plane wasn’t scary, wearing the parachute wasn’t scary, the take off wasn’t scary, and flying through the air wasn’t scary; what was scary was the second the pilot told me to open the door…at that very moment it was real… I was going to jump out of a plane…and that was one of the scariest things I have ever faced. It wasn’t until I was in the air that I realized that without the fear, without the risk it wouldn’t have been worth it. What I am saying, is jump out of the plane with me, because nothing is better than that first breath you take when you are flying..
( I know this is a horrible analogy because you HATE planes, but it the only thing in my life with enough magnitude to express what I wanted to say)
I can’t speak for you, and that is not, whatsoever, my intention but what I want to say is don’t run away from something, or someone simply because it is scary…maybe I’m wrong, and maybe it’s not fear, and I’ve just done one more thing I shouldn’t have but one of us has to have the courage that the famous dead guy was talking about, and that I am not afraid of.