• Dream Song

    by  • June 22, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Goodbye • 0 Comments

    Dear Heart,

    That’s what I call you. Heart. Because that’s were you lie, in me, unknowingly. I love you. Simple as that. I don’t want to admit it, but that’s how I feel. And it’s so scary because I don’t know you one bit, and yet I know you were it for me. And that fact that I let you slip through my fingers, leaves a burn in my brain and heart till this day and I cannot forget. I wish I could forget and move on, and leave your memory in the past but I can’t. I compare everyone to you, I don’t get close to anyone anymore because I still wait for you subconsciously. I hate myself for all this. For doing this to myself. Because I was a kid. You were a man. It was all in my head I know, but what if? No. Everything I do, see, hear, and go to reminds me of you. I hope to see you every time I wander somewhere I think you could have been once. And then I get depressed near tears sometimes till I go home and forget. And now I know it’s because I wish to see you, and it never happens. Then I love to think like a fool “well if it’s meant to be it will happen.” but it won’t we are on totally different paths and which do not lead to each other. This has almost ruined me i think sometimes. I’m afraid to like people, i don’t trust anything, I don’t believe in anything and I am so isolated from the world. Because in my dreams you come save me from what I have to put up with constantly and we live out our lives in a remote farm doing whatever we want, being free from society, going and seeing whatever we want! I’m happy when you are not in these dreams sometimes because I need to know I can still do it without you. Although it would be much nicer with you in it. But whether or not you rescued me I would do this anyway, it’s what I truly want to do in life, be free to roam the world not claiming anything to myself, because the only thing I want to own is my body. You are beautiful and lovely, and i’m sure as corny as it is, my soul mate. But that doesn’t mean we were meant to be. That’s it I feel a lot better now. I will forget you, everyday a little more. I just had to write this, for myself, for your memory and because I needed some sort of closure. So my darling, now you know and maybe you will understand, if not i don’t know. Goodbye my heart, live fully and experience all the shades and tones of this life for me, maybe in the next one we can live it out together.

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