• A Different Kind of Lovesick

    by  • June 22, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Regret • 3 Comments

    Why me?

    Of all the people that are online on facebook right now, why would you message me about your failing relationship?

    I appreciate that you trust me with your problems, but I really don’t want to hear about them.

    I don’t want to hear about how he doesn’t text you back anymore. I don’t care that he’s being flaky and that you’ve done “everything” to get over him. I don’t give a rat’s ass that you’re heartbroken.

    Because no one has ever loved me to begin with.

    Going off to college next year, at the ripe age of 18, I have never been on a date. Not even for a dance.

    I’ve never had that rush of knowing that I’ll have a “good morning” text from that cute guy who sits next to me in English. I wouldn’t know what it feels like walking at night, holding hands with a boy, just WAITING for him to turn my chin for a kiss.

    And I wouldn’t consider myself undate-able. I’m not heinous looking, or smelling, and I don’t have 53 cats to care to; I’m just eternally damned to be “the friend.” The one who gets shoulder punches and invited to the football games. But I like wearing sundresses.

    So as I sit hear, juggling between ranting on LINS and feeding you good advice about what to do with ______ that I know you won’t follow, I want to cry.

    Because I know if I had flirted with ______ instead of introducing you two, I probably could have got that kiss and those “good morning” texts. Followed by heartbreak.

    The old saying is so true: it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

    Why me?

    3 Responses to A Different Kind of Lovesick

    1. hope
      June 22, 2011 at 10:29 am

      I was, am in the same place. I am 19, finished a year of college and still, no dates. But I am okay with that now. I have a heart that has never been given away that I can save for someone who will cherish it. Not to say that I haven’t been heartbroken, but I haven’t fallen into drama, I haven’t ruined good friendships with guys. It is really hard to listen to their problems I know, and it isn’t easy to be content, but we are both blessed. Because when that boy does come along, each kiss, each text will be that much sweeter.

    2. Rin
      June 23, 2011 at 6:17 am

      I’m in the same boat as you hope. I’ve only been on one date, and it was with a boy I had a thing for (he’s also my best friend), and apparently it was a just friends date. Someone deserving of you WILL come along, it just takes time. Remember, you’re beautiful, and you sound like an amazing friend putting your feelings aside to help a friend of yours. 🙂

      I just wonder…how long do girls like us have to wait?

    3. stephanie
      June 23, 2011 at 10:13 am

      I was in the same situation. 18, just graduated high school, no boyfriend, no date. Ever. I’m now 19 and finished with my first year of college. It was amazing. before going to college I told myself I wouldnt date anyone my freshman year, I would just get the hang of things and meet new people. Well I ended up dating 2 great guys. Both ended with heartbreak. But I learned something and I dont regret either. High school is just….weird. I think college will be totally different for you. I hope so. Keep your chin up!

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