• To the father I miss

    by  • June 21, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Parents, Those Gone Before Us • 4 Comments

    Dear Dad,

    It’s been 3 years, 1 month, 1 week, and 3 days since you died. I’ve grown up so much. I’ve gone from the awkward 8th grade girl with the braces and the multicolored hair, just figuring out who she was, to a senior in high school. Sometimes I wonder if I would be a different person if you were alive.

    I still think about you every day. And sometimes, when I should be asleep, I cry, too. I miss you, Daddy. I wish you were here to protect me, like you used to do when I was little and afraid of the monsters under my bed.

    I wish I had listened to you when I was 8 and you told me that a boy would break my heart some day. I wish I had listened to you before I let the boy I thought I loved take my virginity. I know that, if you were alive, you would have never allowed me to date. Sometimes, when the heartbreak feels unbearable, I wish I wasn’t allowed to date, too.

    I wish you were here to hold me and tell me that everything was going to be alright like you once did. I wish you were here to pull me out of school and take me to Disneyland like you used to. I wish you were here to play Nerf tag with me on every Christmas morning like we once did.

    I wish I could be mad at you for overdosing on crack so far away from home. I wish I could feel some sort of anger, because maybe then I wouldn’t miss you so much and hate myself for not saying goodbye when I had the chance.

    Daddy, I love you, and I always will. I hope that you’d be proud of the person I’m becoming.

    Your daughter

    4 Responses to To the father I miss

    1. D
      June 21, 2011 at 10:35 am

      thank you.

    2. Bekah
      June 22, 2011 at 11:44 pm

      you’re dad is watching down over you i’m sure, he cares about you. i promise you he loves you and wishes he could hold you and tell you everything is going to be alright. stay strong.

    3. Olivia
      June 26, 2011 at 5:12 pm

      He is very proud of you, wherever he is. He will always love you and accept you.

    4. another girl
      June 26, 2011 at 5:44 pm

      I wish I had the words to say what I wish I could to my dad. I lost him when I was 6. And to this day, 14 years, 4 months, and 1 week later, my heart still breaks at the slightest thought.

      I hate to say this, but it doesn’t get easier. You don’t move on. Not entirely. But you will be okay. And you’ll realize that so long as you do your best, he’s already proud.

      I miss you daddy.

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