I’ve had a crush on you ever since the first time I saw your beautiful blue eyes and your bright red saxophone. I would make jokes about “What i would do if I had you alone” with my friends but I never thought anything of it.
Prom weekend, we both went camping and we got a little bit too drunk. You went with the girl who used to be my best friend and my date wasn’t there. We went on walks and I loved the attention you were giving me. When I wasn’t with you that day, I was making jokes just like I did when I first met you.
When our last walk of the night led us to my tent, I was nervous and excited but ready. I remember everything that happened besides who actually removed my bathing suit top.
I remember asking if you had a condom and you saying no. I remember you saying that we didn’t have to but I said I wanted to. I remember you getting on top of me and trying but failing. I remember turning you over and getting on top. I remember a little bit of pain and I remember looking into your blue eyes. And then I remember someone opening the tent and you getting dressed and leaving faster than I could have found my shorts.
We both left that tent that night without a word. People said I was turning clingy because I wanted you to reply back to my texts. All I wanted was for you to know that you were my first.
When you eventually texted me to ask why everyone knew, I told you and you apologized. I don’t want you to be sorry. I don’t regret what happened because, at the time, I really did want it. I really did want you. But if I could go back, I wouldn’t have downed that whole bottle of parrot bay. I wouldn’t have kept going with Jager bombs. I wish my first time would have been with someone that I, not even loved, but at least someone I talk to. My first time shouldn’t have been 30 interrupted seconds with a beautiful acquaintance.