• I Hate This

    by  • June 21, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Letting Go • 0 Comments

    Because of you I am afraid to fall in love again.

    I’m afraid that if I let myself fall for someone else you will disappear from my life.

    And you just called me. It’s things like that that just mess with my mind. It’s 3 in the morning and you call me because you saw I was upset and you wanted to try and help.

    But you can’t help me anymore. You are the one choosing not to be with me. I love you so much. I’m dying. I can’t take not being with you anymore. And you don’t want me.

    So why do you continue to act like you care. I just dont get it. I’ll never be able to let you go Bobby. I can’t. You make it impossible.

    So then I get the oppertunity to be with someone else and I second guess everything because of you. I don’t want to lose you and because that I can’t love someone else.

    I hate this so fucking much Bobby. It’s seriously killing me. I’m sitting here crying hanging on your every last word you send me. I’m telling you to go to sleep and praying that you don’t listen to me.

    I wish you could just leave me alone and I could forget you. But at the same time that is my biggest fear.

    Who knew loving you would hurt me so much. I’m sorry for everything. But I really can’t do this. I need to move on. I need to let you go. And I need you to let me go too.

    I can’t be the girl you have sex with but is still just friends with. I’m not a fucking slut, yet that’s how i’m being treated. You get what you want then send me on my way.

    You say it’s a 2 way street and i’m using you too. But i’m not using you for sex Bobby. You’re the man I love, my best friend, the one who knows all my secrets. I depend on you. I need you. But to you i’m just a giant sex toy.

    So yeah, i’m using you. If you want to call it that. But you know how I feel and you still want to string me along. You know how much it’s hurting me. I’ve told you that it hurts. I’ve told you I don’t want to do it anymore. I tell you everything.

    I can’t do it. I need to be loved. And I can’t do that with you in my life. I just can’t.

    I’m sorry

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