we don’t talk that much, and we never really have.
Today i found out that you’re not doing too well.
i mean i found that out awhile ago.
but i mean really this time. hospice?
your oxygen is so low and your heart only functions less that half.
I never thought about you dying while i was growing up.
you always seemed so strong.
but grandma you live in Kansas. three states away.
and i want to say i’m so sorry.
i was the grandchild you never talked to.
i never wrote you letters because i grew up with email and texting.
But when we did come down to see you, i still remember your hugs.
warm and tight. like you’d never let go, always crying.
and i wish i could give you one right now and never let go.
i see old pictures of you and think how beautiful you are.
and grandma, i really don’t hate my middle name.
I think Bernice is lovely and i’m honored to be named after you.
I know in the few days you have left you will be in pain, and you probably won’t think about your silly grandchild in Minnesota that has the piercings and tattoos.
But i do go to church like you always told me.
I do live for god.
and i know that in the last few days you have your will be just as beautiful as you always have been.
and i know grandpa can’t wait to see your youthful face again in heaven.
grandma, i love you. I’m so sorry i never put in much effort.
but i’m so pleased to at least known you for who you are.
a beautiful woman.
i know you’ll watch over us.
Have a good journey home.