• An Almost

    by  • June 2, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Lost Love • 0 Comments

    Hey. I keep on going through our relationship in my head over and over until I can’t help but cry. You were, are, my knight in shining armor. You were the man I thought I had been looking for since the day I was born. We were happy, I was happy, for the first time in a long time. I could tell you anything, whether it be the time I was raped or my daddy issues. You took it all, warts and all. And you still loved me. You could tell me anything, about your hopes and dreams as well as your insecurites. And then we started talking about marriage. I knew that my parents wouldn’t go for it, I told you that I wanted to wait a few years, wait until I was at least mid to late 20’s. We called each other by our full married names, even though we weren’t married and I felt so happy. I could say I love you a million times in one day and never get tired of it. You gave me your class ring one night as we laid in each other’s arms and you said, “This is not a proposal, but this is a promise that one day I will get down on one knee and ask you to be mine always and forever.” I lay awake at night and I think of all of these moments all of these heart-felt talks and I fall in love with you again. I believe the man I feel in love with is still in there. But then you broke it off, you told me about your career and how it would take you places and how since I am a few years your junior that simply we aren’t in the same points in our lives. And I guess you are right, your dreams are still career based…mine on the other hand are based on happiness, I couldn’t care less if I got my dream job, when I dream of my future it is very simple. It’s a house, two stories, I come home from my job (I never see what I do, nor do I care) I walk up the stairs and there are three doors on one side of the hallway and double doors at the end. I walk into each one of the doors along the way to the double door and kiss every single one of our children goodnight. A kiss for Jasper, a kiss for Luna, and a kiss for Lily. Then I go in the double doors, I see you fast asleep in our bed. I take off my clothes and roll into bed, hold you close tome and kiss your neck as I whipser, “I love you” and fall asleep. No job, no career, in my book can ever trump that dream. I wanted this, I still want this, with you. You told me always and forever and I still hold your class ring and think of that night. But as of right now it’s not an always and forever, it is simply an almost. And even though the dream may be an almost, that doesn’t change that I will love you, forever and always.

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