You don’t have to say anything,
And I know you hate remembering, but I want to go back-
Back to when I told you I couldn’t be with you and you didn’t understand.
And to be honest, back then I didn’t really understand either.
I just knew that I couldn’t be with anyone because I didn’t want to go through what I went through the first time.
I wanted you, I honestly did
But for some reason I was scared, and I just couldn’t do it.
It hurt me because it hurt you.
I knew you deserved everything and you deserved someone who could give you everything…
And at the time, that person wasn’t me.
Then I ran away,
For a whole year,
And you waited.
I grew up,
And I realized,
After everyone else fell away,
You stayed right where you belonged-
Now when I look back I realize that I wanted to give you the chance to find someone who could make you feel as perfect as you used to make me feel.
Being away made me realize that now I am ready to give you everything…
But of course, I never expected you to wait.
And you didn’t.
I can’t be mad, because I am the one who turned you away in the first place.
So, I’m happy for you that you found her, and I hope she can give you everything.
I just felt like i owed this to you.
After all this time, I felt you ought to now.
I thought you deserved to know what I could never tell you before.
And even though I am not that person who makes you smile every morning anymore,
And even though we’ll probably never be the same way again,
And even though I’ll always love you,
I want you to know that you did mean a lot to me…
You still do mean a lot to me.
I wanted this for you,
And even though i’ve changed my mind and I’ve realized that I’m not scared anymore,
I realize I am no longer your person,
So I just wanted to say sorry.
Sorry I was such a fucking bitch.
Sorry I never saw what was right in front of me.
Sorry I gave you up for so much shit that doesn’t even matter anymore.
Through everything that happened before I left, you are the only thing I still care about.
Lastly, I’m sorry I let you go.
I’m sorry I pushed you away.
And I’m mostly sorry that I couldn’t explain myself until now-
Now that it’s too late.
I’m sorry, even though I know that sorry isn’t enough anymore.
But I have to say I’m happy for you.
I hope you’re happy too.
I hope you got everything you wanted,
I hope you found the right person for you, you deserve it.
I’m just sorry it couldn’t be me.