When i saw you, i knew i could love you.
But i never knew how strong the passion could get.
I was young and naive and did not believe in fairy tale love.
But fate has a way of putting me in positions where it feels like it came out of a disney princess movie.
The night we met is my favorite memory. With anyone, ever. Such connection with every word, every kiss. What fueled the fire was that we both knew tomorrow you would fly back home, one thousand, one hundred and eighteen miles away from me. We both knew we would probably never see each other again, and but neither of us could reckon what was in store.
I never knew i could have the patience to talk on the phone for so long with one person, or that there was even enough things in the world to talk about. But 3 hour phone calls every night weren’t enough for me.
I cried every single night that year. Every. single. night. Cried until i was gasping for air, until my vision turned black, until i threw up, and passed out. I had no idea i could miss someone so much. So, so strongly, so fucking much.
No one has ever had that much control over me. No one has ever been able to lift me up, or crash me down, with just wether or not they picked up their phone.
Every time you visited after that, made things worse. Until this summer, i couldn’t do it anymore. I was at my emotional breaking point. At the edge of my cliff. I breathed, ate, slept, lived for you. Every day, i’d just tell myself i was one day closer to being in your arms. But soon the depression took its toll, and I had to break if off because of my fear for myself.
Hurting you hurt more then anything ever has hurt me.
Knives and razor blades got nothing on that night.
Now you’re with her, and i’m here. More alone than i’ve ever felt. Only alcohol and drugs to ease my pain. There’s nothing that can physically put us back together, because you, my dear, are so far. My creativity is down the drain. You took away all my passion, because i gave you everything i had. I have turned down guy after guy, and i wish you knew it, because of you. Because i loved you more then i could possibly love anything else, and now its all gone.
I’m sorry i still miss you, i still love you, i still think about you every day.