• is this really how you want it to be

    by  • May 18, 2011 • Heartbreak • 0 Comments

    Dear you,

    I still cannot believe you ended things with me. Even though you were my first real relationship i honestly thought we could’ve lasted forever. The past 11 months being with you and past year talking to you were the best times of my life. You were not only my boyfriend but my bestfriend, and now it sucks we can’t even be friends, even though I don’t even know if i could be friends with you after everything. I understand i took it way too far obsessing over you and stressing what could have been when you didn’t want the “pressure” but honestly do you blame me? Through out our whole relationship you were the one always telling me how much you loved me and showing me you cared and obsesssing over me crying about how much you were gunna miss me when i went to college and now look how much the roles have changed, i just cant understand it. Is it becuase your on drugs and thats why we cant be together? Or maybe I think its becuase you fell for another girl. Thats annoying, knowing i let you talk to her throughout our whole relationship because you guys were “really good friends” and she had a boyfriend.. then all of a sudden your buying her jewlery and asking her to prom trying to be in a relationship with her? What happened to not “wanting a girlfriend” i thought thats why we couldnt be together. oh i guess that’s just more lies.

    I just dont see how you can go from being with me almost every single day to wanting absolutely nothing to do with me. You know how much i miss you and how hard it is to control myself when i want to go to text you or call you. I really am trying and i am getting stronger. Everyday i contemplate if i can do better than you or im just going to have to deal. Everyday i think about what we could be doing together and how much fun we could be having together. And then somedays im perfectly happy going on with my life thinking im finally over him idk why i was so obsessed. I just hope when i finally am happy and able to be in another relationship again, and find someone new thats better then you, who i have the best times with i hope you dont miss me.

    It sucks we had to end this way and i know or at least i hope deep down inside you miss me and realize that you fucked up. One day i do believe you will come to your senses and try to fix what you’ve done. I still haven’t recieved one apology. After everything you’ve done to me and put me through you haven’t said your sorry, meanwhile i apologize for calling you an asshole. I apologize because i do not want to hate you i can’t take that, i still love you just as much and it’s been 3 months since weve been together. I don’t love you as a boyfriend anymore i don’t think but just as a person in general. I know the normal you is somewhere and I really hope one day he comes back soon because it sucks seeing you like this, it really does. Hopefully by the time you go away to school we can have a normal conversation like we always used to and just talk about life and laugh together. But who knows, becuase things change from day to day. One day you love me and miss me and feel sorry for me then the next you want me out of your life forever and hate me then the next your calling me from vacation just to see whatsup. It’s crazy i cannot deal I just need you to deicde what you want us to be… friends… enemies… boyfriend and girlfriend… or acquaintances. At this point the decision is yours and it needs to be chosen right now. because i’m so tired of never knowing what’s going to happen next.

    but after all this, everything you’ve said to me and said to my friends about me i still care about you a lot and miss you alot. that’s all i can say for now i’m torn apart.

    love me.

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