I am sorry. I realized today how you felt about me. Because I’ve fallen madly in love with a man. It’s so perfect and I am bursting with love. I love him so much it hurts. You were in mortal peril every day in Iraq and I never feared for you the way I worry something will happen to him. I’ve never felt that I would gladly take a bullet for someone if it meant they were safe. I’ve never believed in soulmates. I’ve never been able to see myself marrying anyone. I realize you felt this for me and I am so sorry I didn’t feel it back. I am so sorry that I didn’t know what to do about that and that I lied to both of us about it. I understand how your heart felt as what love I had for you shriveled and died until I eventually rang you on skype and told you I didn’t love you the way I should. I am so sorry that I kissed the man I now love while we were still together. I’m sorry that that was the first time I felt real passion. I’m sorry I was so confused about life and love. I’m sorry you killed my ability to feel or understand myself and that I’m still regaining that day by day. I’m sorry I tried to fake it and continue being the person you fell in love with even though I knew we’d grown apart. I’m sorry that I didn’t even like you as a person but didn’t realize it. I’m sorry that I blamed myself for falling out of love with you and engaged in so much self loathing.
Most of all, I am truly sorry that you will never be able to understand my side. I understand that I’m just the cunt that broke your heart, and I know you’ve made everyone around you hate me. You deserve that. But I am sorry that I put you there. I am not a bad person. At all. I am a lovely person. But I am truly sorry that you never saw the real me and that there’s no way you can understand me now. I am sorry that I will never ever be able to talk to you about this. I still hope that one day you will understand. I hope that you will find someone who will put up with you and who you can share a beautiful love with.
The girl you thought was the love of your life for almost 5 years