• i don’t know anymore

    by  • May 10, 2011 • Parents, To You • 0 Comments

    Dear Mom,

    Days like these make me hate you. You are all depressed because you think nobody loves you but days like these are why thats mostly true. We try to talk it looks like we are getting along, but then you go and be stupid like this. I am one of the best teenagers you will ever meet in your life. I’m better than you and Dad probably ever were. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I don’t do drugs. I don’t go to clubs. I don’t date older men. I get above average grades in school. I visit my grandma every friday. I’ve never skipped class or school. I got accepted to an amazing college. I’m smart, intelligent, caring, and intuitive. Parents dream of kids like me. You think I am the worst most selfish person in the whole world. You think I only care about myself, lie, are extremely untrustworthy and a complete bitch. The worst part for you is that I KNOW that I am none of the things you think I am. I KNOW it.

    You wonder why I wanted to go to a college so far away. I just can’t deal with you anymore. I can’t deal with you or dad I need space. I need to get out of this hell hole. I’m tired of you belittling me, my work and my character. I’m tired of you and dad trying to tell me i’m a horrible kid. Honestly if I didn’t have such a strong, independent personality I would have probably started cutting myself at a very young age. Your crap is that bad. If I didn’t know that your just constantly taking your shit out on me i’d probably be suicidal. Yes, it is that bad.

    You wonder why I love my aunt and grandmother so much. They are the only people who really believe in me. They make me feel good about myself. The let me vent and tell them everything. Everything that I’m thinking or what is bothering me. They don’t judge and they help me. They make my life better. Without them, even with my tough personality i would probably be suicidal. The help me understand the bigger picture. They help me. You just yell and judge. everything.

    Same with Robert, my friend of 11 years and boyfriend of one and a half of those years. You have made me so dark and stuck up and defensive. So sad and guarded, ready to fight and defend myself. Robert changes all that and you and dad hate him for that. He makes me happy and joyful. He makes me smile. He makes me laugh and forget. He makes me feel like a kid and takes all the burdens away. He hugs me when i’m sad. He doesn’t make me feel worse when I cry. He hugs me and holds me when I need it. He makes the parts of my life that he touches light and happy. I am so grateful for all he does for me. I love him for being the sunshine to the darkness I call my muddled fucked up life.

    You honestly just got done yelling at me because my phone died and I fell asleep at my grandmother’s. You didn’t believe my phone died… cause you never believe me. Cause i’m such an untrustworthy kid. you know? you make me mad. You make me sad. Adults wish their kids were like me. You just can’t wait to get rid of me. Maybe your life won’t be such crap then right?

    Fuck you. I’m a good kid. I can’t wait to go to college. “sometimes goodbye is a second chance”

    -your AMAZING daughter

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