She seriously changed everything, can you not see that? We were best friends, and you told me that I meant the world to you, and even though my feelings for you were unrequited, I accepted it; our friendship was good enough for me. Even the distance didn’t stop us. Now we talk once a week. Maybe. If I’m lucky.
What happened to what we used to be? We would call each other every night and laugh until we cried. Tell each other every little detail about our day, and actually care. We knew everything about each other… literally. We would Skype and take funny snapshots and just laugh and laugh. I came out to you, only you, and you’re still the only one that knows I’m bi. I think I was weirder around you than anyone even knew was possible from me, and you didn’t even care; you loved it.
I dreamt of kissing you when you came back to visit over summer, of you realizing your feelings for me were there all along, you realizing they never really left. Now I don’t even know if I’ll see you when you come. I don’t feel like one of your 5 best friends, because I don’t think I am anymore.
I haven’t stopped bringing you up in everyday conversations yet, either. And when people ask, “Who’s Matt?” I’ll say, “My best friend”, even though I know it isn’t true. It’s what used to be true. It’s what I wish was still true. It’s me holding on to the best days of my life.
God, I fucking miss you. I miss everything.