We have come to a point I never wanted to get to. And maybe should not have gotten to. But we are where we are.
There is nothing left of me to continue to try and hope, but in the beginning of this heartache, hope was all I had. It pushed me to get up, hoping that in the end, I would eventually have another opportunity to show you that I had flaws that I never saw. I still have not let myself recover and get past my original upset, and to you my character is weak, but to me, it always seemed to be a testament of strength for how much I would try and how much I love you. I never understood that this was what you wanted. The semester will pass, and the summer soon after, and time will continue to flow, but my love will always stay with you, no matter what. What I need to understand is that this is what needs to happen, for you and for me, to become who we need to be. But in the end if we look back and see that we were meant for each other, then I will be here, holding all my feelings in my arms, toppling over how many of them I’ve kept.
I wanted to be the one where you could turn to be yourself, and I still want that, but for now since we are the way we are, I want you to find it in our friends. They are inevitably, our friends, and for me to be as selfish as to keep the greatest part of my life, other than you, to myself would be horrible. You are beautiful, inside and out, and if the world around you seems to hold your feelings in, express them; find yourself and free her.
Giving up was never an option for me. If I never have the opportunity to show you change, the opportunity to recover love, and find strength in who we once were, then that is just how our lives were meant to pan out. I always saw myself being with you for years to come, growing older and finding each others lives in one another, but this whole dispute makes my hopes and expectations nothing but foolish desires. We have miles to go before our hearts may meet again, which may involve other people playing into the mix, and for time to ebb into the cracks of lost love’s broken walls, but it seems that time has played against me but love has not.
For now I give up, on soon, if only to let us be who I want us to be, but I will never give up on, someday. I don’t know how to make it the end of this chapter, but that is my fight and not yours, and I need to learn that.