It’s funny how things change after high school. I mean, I knew things would change, I just didn’t expect our friendship to be the first thing that did. I guess they were right about “expect the unexpected” and “high school friendships never last.”
For the 3 years we were best friends, we never had any trouble. Maybe once or twice out of being dumb but that was it. You wanted to be the bridesmaid at my wedding and we were going to go crazy with each other at college. It’s all written in my yearbook. But then our fight happened, the only drama I’ve ever had throughout high school – even then it was the summer after high school ended for us. So now? It’s been almost 7 months since we’ve last had a decent conversation without it having to be forced or polite. Even then I know you don’t want to talk to me and it’s unfortunate that it’s come down to this.
I know it’s petty to even think about what happened after all this time, let alone write about it in this letter, especially when I know you’re not thinking about it. But I can’t help but think, what if? What would my college life be like right now if we were still friends? Would I still be close to the people I am now? Would I be any more happier than I am? That’s what I really want to know but it’s also something that will have to remain unknown.
Through the grapevine, I know you hate me, though I show absolutely no resentment towards you. But then again that would be a lie, because I do have some resentment. You’ve been claiming that you’re over high school drama and you’re trying to start a clean slate with everyone. Then why all the negative talk about me and holding this grudge? I haven’t said a bad word about you since the aftermath of our fight and all the lameness from that. But somehow, I can’t say that I’m surprised especially with what happened with ___. So I never understood that and I don’t think I ever will. But that’s okay. That’s why I can’t be mad about it.
I’ve come to grips with us not being friends and how to act when we’re in the same area. In the beginning, I thought it’d be difficult when we have the same circle of friends. I remember when everyone used to ask me how I felt or if I missed you or anything. Some of the times I found myself answering yes to missing you as a friend, because I did, and a part of me also wanted our friendship back so things would just go back to normal back home. Mostly, I think the reason why I still held on to some hope that things will change between us is because you were one of my first girl best friends. Sure, the guys have always been there for me and I have plenty of girl best friends now, but it’s not the same. That’s why I made an effort to reach out to you after the new year started, but I guess that didn’t matter because nothing’s changed and you’re still “calling me a cunt and that’s you being polite,” (yes people tell me these things).
So, here’s me, giving up on something that should’ve been given up on 7 months ago. I’ll see you on campus as always and we’ll exchange cordial hellos. There’s no more having friends hope we’ll be friends again, and no more hoping on my part that we will. We have our own lives that don’t involve each other anymore and that’s fine. It’s just not in the cards.
I honestly wish you the best and hope everything was worth it.