• Emotions n shit

    by  • April 19, 2011 • To You • 0 Comments

    I’m scaring myself. I don’t know who I am anymore. Somewhere in the midst of it all, I lost myself. I lost you. I feel as if I am in the deepest part of the Pacific being pulled under, and the more I try to come up for a breath of fresh air the more I feel like I’m being pulled under. This feeling won’t go away and I don’t know why. I feel worthless and unloved so please do forgive me when i second guess every time you call me beautiful and even sometimes I think you’re just telling me what I want to hear and it makes me mad and I always end up hurting you. I know it’s my fault for not believing you every time you compliment me but it’s nothing personal I just choose not to believe you incase you really don’t mean it. Nobody knows how often I find myself staring into the dark at night and thinking how much I’d rather be non-excistent. Nobody. Suicide has crossed my mind no doubt but I would never be able to take my own life knowing I’m leaving you behind so confused and my family behind so hurt. But you will never know this alter-ego of mine even though I feel as if she’s taking me over. I truly am sorry for hurting you as much as I do because trust me, it hurts me just as much because I don’t mean to be this terrible person and I promise I’m trying to get better but it’s a process I’m going to have to do on my own so please know I need my space. I know when we went on our first date you didn’t know what monstrosity you were getting yourself into but now I just hope you don’t leave…

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