I’m a whore. I’m a fool. I fell for you but you didn’t want me. And no matter how many times I share everything, even my most uncomfortable secrets with you, it won’t mean anything. You’ll never tell me anything back. I know you’re shy. It’s one of the reasons I was attracted to you in the first place. In the past month we got so close that you’d think we were married in the perfect couple, and we weren’t even dating! If that in itself doesn’t show you how much you mean the world to me, I don’t know how else to say it. This week you’ve picked up this new emotion and you’re blocking me out completely. Maybe you’re even dating a new girl. How would I know? You never tell me anything anymore. Maybe I’m acting obsessive. But that’s your fault. You told me you’d be there for me through everything, and you were. But you won’t let me be there for you. Maybe that’s what hurts me the most. Maybe it’s my fault. But at least I’m willing to accept that.
I know in a week’s time we’ll both apologize and things will go back to the way they were: flirting, loving, caring more deeply for each other then we had before. But for some reason our recent arguements no longer have that hopeful effect on me. Now I’m only on my toes afraid I’ll do something wrong again. You always ask me “Why does everyone treat me like I have a short temper?” Because you do! Goddamnit accept it! Grow up! You’re three years older than me but now it seems I’m more mature than you! That’s disgusting!
If you want to rage this war against me then fine. Know that every hurtful thing is not to rip you down and cause you pain but to show you what you put me through everytime we argue. We never argue, we we’re perfect, but now that we do, its more hell then all the abuse I’ve taken from other guys.
That’s right. I’ve been abused. It’s something I didn’t tell you. I know you’d use it and say “Baby I’ll never treat you like that. I’d never hurt you. <3" And I'd buy right into it. But I realize now that the more stuff I share with you, the more stuff you get to use against me. Somehow no matter what you do wrong, I always end up being the bad guy. The reason behind it. You hurt me so much. I cry so often because of it. But I brush it off. You won't even let me have that emotion.
You’re amazing. Your blonde curly hair, your beautiful eyes and your tan skin are everything to me. And yet now there nothing.
Do you remember the time we realized we both like the same band? It was a huge breakthrough. We would always talk about what they were up to and we'd say how we'd get onstage with them one day. And our life would be perfect. But they found the one song to truly decide what we are. Was it a dream? Sounds familiar right? Because that's all this friendless not even real relationship is. It’s what I wonder. Maybe I fooled myself into thinking it was a fairy tale perfect life with you. I fell out of that dream into you're harsh reality. You’re dying and pulling me down with you. I know somehow though, you'll dig your grave, yet I'll be the one in the ground. M+M