Dear D,

I’m sure that I could make you happy, but I’m not allowed to. I wouldn’t ever cheat on him but it does often frustrate me having to watch you sad or angry about something and not being able to do anything about it except offer you a cuddle and a kind word. I’ve put you on a pedestal, I do things for you that I wouldn’t do for anyone else. I treat you the way that I’d treat you if you were my boyfriend, just without the physical intimacy.

You’re my best friend and I talk to you about my relationship. You tell me not to over-think and to live in the moment so that I can cope with when he’s away, but I can’t live in the moment at all. If I was living by impulse and he was out of the picture I would have tried it on with you a long time ago, but I have no idea whether you’d even be interested.

You must have noticed that I’m a little in love with you (unless you really don’t do any of this thinking that I do). I tell you that I love you all the time, and I do. The problem is that I don’t love you like a boyfriend or like a brother. I don’t know what this is, only that I care about you so much and I hate the thought of us not seeing each other after next year is over.

Love always, H