To the people who come in my room and automatically ask me where my roommate is: I notice. And it hurts me that no one ever comes looking for me. I’m starting to think that no one actually likes me, that you all just tolerate me. I’m sorry that I’m shy and think small talk is pointless, and sometimes I get cranky when I haven’t eaten, but those things don’t make me a bad person, and they don’t make me not worthy to be your friend.
To N: I miss you. I didn’t think that I did, but seeing you in the dining hall today made me realize that I do. I wish you had told me you were dating her. I wish that I didn’t have to find that out from M. I wish we could hang out like we used to. I wish you hadn’t said the things you did. I wish my ex-boyfriend didn’t get in the way of our relationship. I wish you had the balls to say hi to me now. I wish you would talk to me at all.
To M: You don’t love me. I know that you think you do and you will never ever get over it, but what you are feeling is actually guilt. You fucked up, royally, and it can never go back to the way it was. Now you think you are missing out on something but you aren’t. Well you are, but not in the way you think. You can never have what could’ve been.
To L: Why do you hate me? And why do you lie about it? Everyone can see the hostility plainly written across your forehead when you look at me. I know that you are an attention whore, but it is not all about you. My becoming roommates with P had nothing to do with you and it is not a reason for you to hate me. Your blind hatred is causing strain among our friends and it’s incredibly juvenile. I know that you ripped up my nametag and put it in the toilet, and everyone can see that you want to kill me. I don’t even want to be friends with you, because why would I want to be friends with someone who hates me for no reason? All I want is for you to at least be civil. I hope you fail the art final. You hating me has made me hate you.
To C: I like you. You are one of the few people here that I can hang out with without anyone else there. I know you are always up for doing something silly and fun. Being around you makes me happy and giggly and butterfly-y. But I think I missed my chance. Remember that one time when I wanted to make a phone call in your room? And you thought I was asking you on a date? I wish I had been. The reason I wanted to talk on the phone in your room was because it was a hard conversation and I wanted to be around you. I wanted you to hold me and know my pain and want to make it better. But it didn’t happen and you have no idea how much I wish I had been asking you out. And you like someone else and I almost never see you anymore. But the crush is still there, and I hope that someday I’ll get another chance, and I hope that I didn’t hurt your feelings that day.