• what a shame

    by  • March 15, 2011 • Abuse, Anger, Family Stuff • 2 Comments

    dear austin,

    how could you! you are a disgusting fucked up bastard that can’t even control your own self! you are a fucking douche bag for all the things you have done to me. i can’t even wrap my mind around someone my age and my cousin physically touch me and enjoy it. how awful! you caught me at my worst time [yea while i was sleeping] to sexually abuse me! what a low thing to do. now i feel so scared and terrified towards even having a relationship with anyone because it will always lead to sex! for a 16 year old i’m supposed to make my first time the best time but you fucking piece of shit had to ruin it! you ruined my life with my family and have me living on pins and needles every fuckin day!!!!! i’m scared to tell my mom because she will flip and blame me for everything! every phone call i sit and listen because someone might find out and then it forces me to speak up and share the horrifying night. i can NOT relive it but i bet you are going about your life like it’s nothing. you don’t even know that you FUCKED up my life…i had something going for me! what a fucking fucked up bastard. scarring me for life! i hope you are soooooo fucking happy you stupid insane bastard! you forced me to choose to run away from a family that loves me with all their hearts. but of course you don’t have that so you fucked it up for me. thank you thank you mr. i’m a piece of shit!!!!!!

    2 Responses to what a shame

    1. Amber
      March 15, 2011 at 11:24 am

      Dear beautiful 16 year old,

      I was fifteen when I had my virginity taken away from me by my boyfriend at the time. Let me tell you, I KNOW what you’re going through, I know what you’re feeling. Baby girl, you’re not alone and you’re NOT dirty. You are beautiful, strong, and a survivor. Never let anyone tell you otherwise. You inspire me and I’m so proud of you for even writing this letter and letting yourself be angry. If you even knew how far you’ve already come you would amaze yourself.

      I’m not sure where you’re from but there are resources and hotlines that are completely confidential that you can call just to talk to someone.

      here’s one, its 24 hours and confidential
      also rainn.org has an online helpline thats also free and confidential, I want to encourage you to check these out sometime.

      You are a survivor
      never forget that.

    2. Clara
      March 15, 2011 at 12:58 pm

      please send this letter. I lived with being sexually abused by my step father for four years until my family found out by reading my diary. At first things were horrible, im not going to lie, but my family finding out was the best thing for me. This happened five years ago, and although my life is different than how i planned out, everything worked out in the end.

      YOU can control what happens with this information. Write another letter, thats not filled with a single curse word. Write a letter to your most trusted family member explaining what happened and what you want to happen. Or talk to your High Schools psychologist, or guidance couselor, or anyone trusted at your high school. they will put you in touch with the right people and get the ball moving on getting you away from him. This bastard can not get away with what he did to you. You are a strong woman who deserves the best out of life, and this scum of the earth does not deserve to be even in the sunlight.

      I know the first step in telling anyone is scary, but you deserve to have a life where you arent scared of anyone within your own family. Five years after my secret slipped out, I am so grateful that i never have to see my abuser ever again

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