• To Me, Don’t Feel Bad

    by  • March 14, 2011 • Guilt, Lost Love, Love - Pure and Simple, Thoughts • 1 Comment

    Hey 🙂 just wanted to say hi and talk to you a bit. I was just thinking, a lot has happened since we moved out of our parents’ house, huh?

    We got a job, an apartment, bills to pay, a vehicle to keep running, responsibilities… We’re learning a lot of lessons and doing a lot of growing up. Most of which are part of the love/relationship variety.

    I wanted to talk mostly about that. Since 12th grade, we’ve had 5 guys fall in love with us. That’s a lot in 2 and a half years. And we broke 4 of those hearts, even if 2 were unintentional. I know you feel bad about them. I know you regret them and I know you blame yourself every day for them, but today I’m going to let you in on a little secret… They weren’t all your fault. Yes, I know you disagree but I’m going to tell you why they weren’t, so pay close attention.

    E: He was a great first boyfriend; loyal, dependent, clingy mostly in a good way and totally in love with us. But he wasn’t for us. Yes, he took our virginity. Yes, he really was going to marry us. But we just weren’t compatible as partners for life. It was a great experience for us as a first relationship but it wouldn’t have worked long term.

    M: He was sweet in the beginning but he had issues. We hung on too long; the first time we left, we should have stayed away. He used us. The pain we caused him in the end wasn’t even part of a percent of the pain he caused us every day. He says he loved us more than anything, that he was just upset, that he was going through a lot… But what did it seem like to us and the people we knew? He was cruel, and he got mad and fought with us and yelled at us every day. We didn’t deserve that. I don’t care if he says he’ll love us forever and he still wants us, repeat after me: WE DESERVE BETTER THAN THAT ASSHOLE. Got it? Good.

    D: That one was an accident. You know it. I know it. He knows it. We reached out when M was an ass and we found a sweetheart that was just in the wrong situation for us. As in, married. Sure, a marriage for the wrong reason but we still couldn’t have him. That one was both our fault and his. And we fixed it. Sure it took a few botched attempts but we got the friendship back. We love him and he loves us. Not the same kind of love but we fixed it and that’s what matters. There’s nothing to keep ourselves wound up about.

    B: This one was definitely not our fault. I know this one hurts the most, but he was M’s friend. He knew you were trying to be with M and he fell for you anyway. You are an amazing person, no matter how you feel some days. And he fell for you. I know it’s hard. I know we gave him a little hope when we weren’t with M but still working on things. I know being friends with him seems like a bad idea. But friends is what we want, what he wants. So unless it gets out of hand, it’s what we have. Enjoy it.

    We got through them and we learned some hard lessons, didn’t we? And now we have Collin… Feel that smile? That one on your face right now? That’s because you know this man is the greatest thing that has ever happened to us. Everything we went through living at home, everything we’ve gone through since moving up here, was worth it, just to meet that man. He is the other half of you, the part that makes you feel whole, the man that you are going to spend the rest of your life with.

    And he is worth all the pain and heartache you went through and may ever experience.

    Next time you are feeling guilty about those other guys, remember this note. ‘Cause you know I’m right.

    All my love, your voice of reason

    One Response to To Me, Don’t Feel Bad

    1. kristi
      March 15, 2011 at 6:32 am

      reading this, i felt like someone had written it to me. it made me happy. so, thank you.

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