I love you, probably more than anything. I remember the first time I really talked to you…or should I say the first time you talked to me. I just listened to you talk on and on as I just smiled and thought how crazy you must really be by the stories you were telling. Little did I know I would soon fall in love with you. You made me realize what I really deserved and that who I was with was not who I really needed. Sure, some could call you a home wrecker or call me a cheater but we both know it was nothing like that. You gave me the encouragement I needed to leave, to better myself.
As the months went on we began to talk more and more and we jokingly began to call each other best friend. We kept each other up to date on everything we did and began going out together more and more. The crazy thing is neither of us know when it really happened. When did you even consider me yours? But I guess that is the best kind of love, when you don’t really know when it happens – it just does. I remember when I met your friends for the first time and you didn’t know how to introduce me, when they asked if I was your girlfriend you replied “I don’t know” and smiled at me across the room. You’re adorable.
I still remember the first time you told me you loved me. My heart stopped for a second and the only thing I could see was you. We have such a strong past. Every cute little story adds up to who we have become today.
It took over a year to stop constantly thinking about you leaving. I knew you would eventually leave for school and although I wanted to go with you I knew in the back of my mind that was unacceptable. I never wanted to look like that stupid girl who followed the boy off to college. I cried every time I thought about you leaving. I still get teary eyed to this day. But I think I can accept the fact now more than I could have before. I still hope we work out but I have to be realistic enough to realize we might not.
I’m not really sure what has happened to us lately but I can feel us slipping away. I don’t know when it began or what made it happen but I can sense it. We don’t seem as close as we used to. I’ve backed off and began weaning myself away from you. I don’t want to get hurt, love shouldn’t hurt. I know you say I’m too protective and need to be more trusting but the truth it I don’t know if I can. I can’t stop myself from worrying or wondering what you’re doing when you go out without me. I know how girls are and I know how drunken minds may think.
It scares me to think of my life without you. I have seen you almost every day for the past year and a half; you’re all I have come to know. You are my best friend, my better half. I don’t want to have to worry about you or wonder what is going to become of us. I don’t want to get hurt or heartbroken. I don’t know what I want from time to time. I love you but maybe I really am better when you’re gone.
I don’t think you are ready to settle down. You want to live and I respect that. You love partying way more than I ever have. I have yet to hit my party phase; yet, you have been there for years. And I know I was your first serious relationship so I have tried being patient with you. You have done nothing wrong but loved me with everything you have, I know that. But sometimes I just need you to tell me you love me and be there for me. I need you to let me win some times and to take my side rather than always giving everyone else the benefit on the doubt. I need you to need me like you did in the beginning.
Truth is I have begun to prepare myself for this upcoming fall when we both start new schools. Although neither of us know where we are going I realize the toll it will take on our relationship either way. It is almost a relief to know how close it is. I know lately there has been a strain on our relationship and no matter how much we both would like to ignore it, it’s still there. I still think about things all the time, I still over analyze every situation. I need you to talk to me and tell me what you’re feeling; I need you to open up to me more than you ever have before. I need you to show me you still love me for who I am and you’re really to work for this no matter what. I can’t fight on my own; I refuse to fight on my own. I refuse to put in 110% and only get back 80%. Please don’t let go. I’m trying my hardest not to.
No matter what happens I will always love you some way, somehow. I’m asking you not to leave, to try harder, and work for this as much as I am. Please don’t forget about me. I will never forget you.
I love you more than you’ll ever know.