Archive for March 11th, 2011

Ouch.

Dear W******,

That’s the word I think of and feel everytime I see your name. That summer was the best summer of my life because of you. You said things that I thought only existed in the movies. Your kiss made my heart beat out of my chest and my stomach drop to my toes. The first day we met, we went to Taco Bell and you bought me a Baja Blast because you remembered that my favorite color is blue, and that’s the color of the drink. Then out of no where, you stopped talking to me. Completley. Didn’t even have the courtesy of shooting me a text every once in a while. Ouch…8 months later, 1am, I get a call from you. The feelings flood back like a tidal wave to my heart. The next month was just like the summer. Wonderful. But one day, you stopped talking to me…again. So, I chatted you on facebook after 3 months of working up the courage. I said “I miss you. I miss the way we used to be. I miss talking to you..” You simply said “Yeah, I miss alot of people.” All I could do was cry..and cry..and cry.

Time passed, about a year. I had put your name farrrr in the back of my mind and I was enjoying myself at a party. I had my eyes on a boy that had a great personality and was funny as hell. We went outside and he offered me a cigarette. As I went to light my cigarette, I noticed the brand name of the cigarette…”W******”. Ouch.

More time had passed and I have been through two boyfriends since you. The boy I am with now treats me right. He won’t just stop talking to me after telling me I’m his world. He holds me when I’m sad. But you? You’re just another human in this insane world. I’m never going to forget you, I loved you. But the only word I think of when your name comes up is ouch…not miss, not love, not even friend. Have a good life, because you ruined mine for awhile…

Love,
E.

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46 Days

Dear Her,

You and I had the most incredible relationship which lasted all of 46 days. I cannot begin to describe the feelings in my gut, in my heart, that I felt for you. That I still feel for you. I am so ashamed of myself. I am embarrassed beyond belief because I let one small thing separate us. That one thing is so necessary and what I want more than ever.

I think of you every day. When I look at my phone and the screen says one new text message, my heart rate spikes in hope that when I open the phone it will read “Text message: from you.” I want to talk to you every day like we used to. I want to fall asleep at night talking with you. I want to wake up in the middle of the night to your text messages which just say “Hi”. I want to get off of the phone with you after a few hours and get a text message from you. I want to fly across country again to be with you. I want to show you who I am and how perfect for each other we are. We can travel together, see all that there is to see. We can live freely together, experience all that there is to experience.

I am not as strict, serious, and scheduled as you think. I am incredibly similar to you. I pray every day that one day you and I will be together again. I pray everyday that He watches over you and leads you back to me or me back to you. I could really use a second chance, or a re-do, right now. The hardest thing is not talking to you…… Help me out here. I hope to see you soon…… sooner vs. later.

Until then, I will keep up hope and pray every day.

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Tags: , , , | Posted in: * Safe for Work *, Hope, Love - Pure and Simple, Thinking of you

 

Accept me?

I know you are fully against same sex relationships and do not believe in rights to them at all.

I pretend to laugh and not care about all the gay jokes you make. I’ve never addressed my true self for the fear you and the rest of the family would never accept me, and id be the lone one, the disappointment, the one you can never look at like the others. But Ive known for a while now that i am pansexual, i would love anyone no matter what’s in their pants. I know i can never tell you and it hurts keeping such a big part of me to myself.

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Best Friends

Dear Friend,

It’s been months since we’ve last spoken. Months. since you decided I was a terrible person and we shouldn’t be friends. Break ups are always one sided and I hate that. I’m very bitter for the shitty way you told me how you really felt. You gave my book back, that was nice. I’d rather have my best friend than a book to be quite honest. It’s been months since we last spoke and I am still very upset about our lack of friendship.

We should be making fun of the MTV Skins because we saw the real one first. We should be talking about season five of the real Skins. Saying how much we love Frankie and Mini is such a bitch. We should be stalking that boy you love in old town. We should be driving around screaming the lyrics to Very Busy People.

I want to be waiting for summer with you and going to the river every day to swim. I want to go the haunted goat ghost farm with you in the middle of the night to scare our selves. Paying attractive boys to take off their cloths in the back seat of your car. Talking shit about every one we know. Meeting random kids and changing their names for them. I want to lie to perfect strangers about how awesome our lives are.

I am so sad that we will never get that back. So sad that you thought those good times weren’t worth it. So sad that I have to look at your Facebook to see what you’re up to.

(more…)

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No comments yet. Click here to comment. | Tags: , , , , | Posted in: Breaking Up, Friends, Love - Pure and Simple, Miss You

 

Chess Champion

I see you roughly once a month. You come over. It’s not like you leave right away, I mean last time you stayed for hours, talking until 5 in the morning. I tell myself it is because you care. Why do I let you have me, if you don’t really want me? I wish that I were strong enough to attract what I need.

Love, the almost 30 year old child

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I’m not 14 anymore

mom,

I’ll be 21 in a month. I’m tired of you telling me that I’m not allowed to spend the night at my boyfriends, and that you ‘don’t approve’. I love him, leave us alone. This is my life to live, not yours. stop controlling me. i don’t believe in a god, stop forcing your views on to me. It makes me want to simply die.

sincerely,
your almost-21-year-old daughter

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It’s Worth the Wait

All you hear about these days is people having sex, saying they’re in love, and doing what ever they can to stay in this (sometimes) bad relationship. Just because you two have had sex DOES NOT mean you are in love.

I don’t understand how much people are willing to get hurt, before they realize they’re only in it for the sex. Honestly, I am going to wait til marriage. I don’t want to deal with STD’s and a child..a few hours of pleasure is not worth a lifetime of pain.

My best friend and i write letters to each other talking about how we are going to wait. Sure some friends of ours say it, but i don’t think they’ll end up doing it. Its hard watching some of your closest friends getting hurt from SEX being the main cause. I’ve seen enough and watched others go through it, knowing I don’t wanna get hurt like them.

It’s worth waiting for…at least for me. When i meet my husband someday, i hope he has waited also for our special moment. I want a man who, well, is worth the wait.

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Sort it out

Will you stop and think and just grow up!

It seems the less i see you, the more affectionate you are towards me. Its so fucked up and i really can’t understand how i’ve let you treat me like you have sometimes. You’re lucky i haven’t slapped your face to the back of your head.

You don’t keep friends by hitting them all the time.
You don’t keep friends by ignoring them when they want to talk, but then expecting them to listen to everything you say.
You don’t keep friends by treating them like slaves.
You don’t keep friends by constantly bringing up things they’re embarrassed about.

I’m glad you didn’t get into Scottish, cos the thought of living with you for even a year makes me shiver.
I tried to help you and you just threw it back in my face time and time again.

I love you to bits. But i don’t know how much longer i can put up with you.

Oh and i only come to X— to see F—- and L— now.

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Forver and almost always..

Dear you,

I know this break up is really hard for you, and I wish I could say the same.. But honestly, after these past few months, I feel like I have nothing left to be sad about. Every time something stressed you out, you’d threaten to break up with me. At first I thought I was doing something wrong. Like I wasn’t giving everything I could into us. But after threatening me 5+ times, I no longer took you, or us, seriously. I started to see that nothing I ever did kept you happy, and you were constantly putting me down and making me feel like I wasn’t good enough. For a while, I even believed it. I know you’re not a bad person, you just don’t love yourself enough to really love someone else. I sincerely loved you, but I’m finally putting myself first for once in the past 14 months. I don’t blame you for anything, and I could never ask you to change for me. I know you want me to say “maybe we’ll work out again someday”.. but honestly, I don’t know if I want us to. I hold nothing against you, and I’m glad you’ve realized your mistakes. Hopefully you’ll remember them with the next girl lucky enough to get to know you.

You’re Friend (Someday),
Me.

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Please Don’t Let Go

B,

I love you, probably more than anything. I remember the first time I really talked to you…or should I say the first time you talked to me. I just listened to you talk on and on as I just smiled and thought how crazy you must really be by the stories you were telling. Little did I know I would soon fall in love with you. You made me realize what I really deserved and that who I was with was not who I really needed. Sure, some could call you a home wrecker or call me a cheater but we both know it was nothing like that. You gave me the encouragement I needed to leave, to better myself.

As the months went on we began to talk more and more and we jokingly began to call each other best friend. We kept each other up to date on everything we did and began going out together more and more. The crazy thing is neither of us know when it really happened. When did you even consider me yours? But I guess that is the best kind of love, when you don’t really know when it happens – it just does. I remember when I met your friends for the first time and you didn’t know how to introduce me, when they asked if I was your girlfriend you replied “I don’t know” and smiled at me across the room. You’re adorable.

I still remember the first time you told me you loved me. My heart stopped for a second and the only thing I could see was you. We have such a strong past. Every cute little story adds up to who we have become today.

It took over a year to stop constantly thinking about you leaving. I knew you would eventually leave for school and although I wanted to go with you I knew in the back of my mind that was unacceptable. I never wanted to look like that stupid girl who followed the boy off to college. I cried every time I thought about you leaving. I still get teary eyed to this day. (more…)

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