• Final Goodbye

    by  • March 4, 2011 • Breaking Up, Buck up!, Friends, Frustration, Knock it Off, Lost Love, Moving On, Self-Esteem, Sex, The Ex, To You • 0 Comments

    Hello,

    You’re probably just going to skim through this letter, read it and not care. Maybe you might even get pissed off in the middle of reading and decide to throw it away. Whatever you feel like doing with this information is up to you. I just really don’t care anymore. I have officially given up on caring. It causes me too much trouble to do like you do. I care about you a LOT. It’s more than you just being my first boyfriend, you’re the first person I gave my virginity to. You were the first person to have seen all of me underneath my clothes and appreciate it. When we were together it was really nice and sweet, but everything went so fast, we did this and that and then we had sex. We didn’t even get to know each other that long and we had sex in just a month and so of being together. SEX is one of the main reasons why I couldn’t deal with you anymore. I felt as if that was the only thing we did all the time. It wasn’t like you helped any either. When you came around it was always past midnight, and something always happened when you were in my room. I did tell you to come a little earlier and you did… sometimes.

    There were times when I felt like you didn’t listen to me, and just brushed me off, saying whatever you knew I wanted to hear so I would shut up. I hated that. But what I hated most was you not telling me ANYTHING. You never tell me your feelings, or your thoughts. I mean I was never asking for a sensitive crybaby of a man who watches romantic comedies and cries more than I do. No, I just wanted you to tell me what was up, because every time I tried to get serious and tell you how I felt about this or that, or wanted to know your thoughts you would always just change the subject with a stupid comment or some joke or whatever. You never took me seriously and I know you hate those kinds of talks, but it wouldn’t hurt to at least try. I always have wondered why you like me so much, I asked you but you don’t ever answer the question or avoid it. So I figured that we were only together because of attraction. (You know opposites do attract) Which would explain why we always felt the need for sex. That was the only reason I could figure why we were actually together, a good solid one. I mean you have a good heart and you were always very sweet but I felt that wasn’t just a good reason to like you so I felt like maybe it was just attraction too.

    And so I broke up with you, I really didn’t want to because I did like you a LOT but it had to be done so I called you that night and told you to break up with me because I did it once already and didn’t want to again, so you got mad and told me to do it instead and I got pissed and said fine and we both hung up on each other. I did actually want you to call back but it didn’t happen. So I ended up getting upset and crying a lot because you didn’t really care. So after that incident I did try to move on and decided to be your friend but it didn’t work. You still liked me and I couldn’t have that, you were making everything complicated, because I couldn’t tell if you liked me or just missed having somebody to have sex with, either way it couldn’t happen because I wasn’t over the fact that you didn’t try to stop me from breaking up with you.

    Even if I had wanted it, you still could have tried to prevent it. Anyway well I decided to talk to you about it and text you but you had said something smart that pissed me off and lead me to just ignore you completely. But I decided to give you another chance like I always do after winter break, at being friends. Which brings us to now. I enjoy our play fights, our back talk, and our aggressiveness. I enjoy hanging out with you but now I just can’t deal with it. It’s the same, I really do care about you but you blow me off, every time you came to my room it ended up with us being sexual, just about any time you’re near me you touch me. I try to push you away but you don’t budge. I’m not the best girlfriend you’ve ever had. I should appreciate all of you but I don’t. I hate how you put yourself down when you shouldn’t. You are a lot smarter than you really are but you don’t try to show it or try to get better. I hate that you let people talk shit about you and you just do nothing. I can’t stand it. I can’t stand that you don’t try to dress in something other than a wife beater and shorts that you have sagging below your waist, or that you hide your BEAUTIFUL teeth, or how you do stupid things when your mad and just a bunch a stuff.

    Shouldn’t a girl you like appreciate all of that? Shouldn’t they like your lazy, rude, temperamental, very stubborn, difficult, pretty determined, hardheaded, sweet, leaps before he thinks personality? But it’s not just you I have my problems and I’m sure there are things you hate about me but I wouldn’t know it. You never tell me. I can’t even be your friend anymore, because I will always want more than what we are doing, I will always expect more from you, I will always try to change you and that’s not fair to you or me. So I won’t ask you for any more favors, I won’t text or call you anymore; I won’t even invite you to my room anymore. I will talk to you when i see you but small talk and nothing more, no more hugs or anything. We should move on and if in 2-3 years it’s meant to be and we should be together than we will but for now I think it’s best if we aren’t together, or act like it because our relationship or “this” is destructive and there’s always going to be one of us who gets hurt. If you want to talk about this we can, if not well ok, I just hope you understand what I’m trying to say.

    Goodbye.

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